Facing yourself!

What is it that makes people refuse to look at themselves, always pointing the finger at other people? Is it fear for what they may see? Is it a deep seated feeling of inferiority.

Over the last 2 years I was forced to do exactly that. Look at myself! Learn to accept criticism and not take it personally. I could have, but I made the choice to be completely honest with myself, no matter how much it hurts. It wasn't easy, admitting to things I would have rather just buried. Things that told me I wasn't as nice and well adjusted as I thought. Facing my history and deciding on my future. For the first time I was completely alone. No one could help me with this. I had to face myself alone.

 

It helped that I had and still have the most amazing friends. People who don't judge, but guide. People who I can trust to say it as it is. They helped in breaking open old wounds, putting things into perspective, giving advise, showing me how to go forward. In the end I still had to make the choice whether I was going to allow what these people said to sink in and become part of me. Was I going to take offense or take it for what it was? People who loved me and wanted to see me become all I could be?

I decide to take the plunge. I wanted more from life and to get it, I had to take a chance. I had to open myself up, face who I was and learn to trust again. Trust the people around me, trust myself, but most of all trust God. I stood stripped of everything that protected me in the past. Vulnerable and hurting.

Like so many countless times in the last 2 years God came through for me. He took me on an incredible journey, showing me who I was, showing me how He sees me. He taught me to live a life devoid of stress and worry. He showed me how much I meant to Him. In the midst of incredible turmoil He gave me incredible peace and courage. The kind of peace you can only experience in the arms of Someone who will give His life to you. For 2 years God showed me how well protected and cared for I was.

I still have such a long way to go, but now it doesn't scare me anymore. Life doesn't scare me anymore. I am excited about what is still to come. I have hope. Yes I am sure it won't all be smooth riding. As a matter of fact I know it won't be, but now I can look life in the eyes and say "Bring it on." Every time God shows His faithfulness to me, this excitement starts to boil up inside me. Sounds weird, but I can't wait for the next thing to come along, just so that I can see and experience this amazing God I believe in. Every time God carries me through something, He confirms His love for me and my faith gets stronger.

I told someone today how, despite the fact that over the last couple of days the one thing after the other happened that would have turned me into a stress ball, I have been at total peace. It's because I now know who my Source is. I will never be alone again. I have found riches beyond what I thought I can ever have.

People that chase material things in life will never understand this, but they will also never know what true peace feels like. No money or possessions can ever come close to what I have now. Even if I had no money I will still be happier than anybody who have put their faith in things and people. You can lose things and people will always disappoint you, but you can never lose God's love and He will never disappoint you.

I find myself standing with a smile on my face and in my heart, telling anybody who want's to listen " Life's goooooooodddddd!!!!!!!"