Fear vs Faith

Fear is the one thing that drives most people. Last year I listened to a radio show where Carol Singleton spoke about visions that she and other Christians all over the world had. In it God told them that a new season had arrived. It is the season for the restoration of families. If I have to put everything that I have learnt and saw in the last year together, I see this as the preparation for the last battle between the forces of darkness and light. God created the family in His image and He gave the family authority over everything. Satan knows this and that is why our families are under attack. The family is God’s government. God works through the family because the family is the bricks of His Kingdom and also of society in today’s life.  He will start to restore relationships in families like never before. It begins with you, the individual, not your family, the church or the government. God created us with a need to be part of a family, physical and/or spiritual family, but we have to change first before God can bring restoration in our families.  

God wants to build His House using the family, but our foundations needs to be strong. Fear, un-believe and un-forgiveness are the ways Satan uses to destroy our foundations. God in return uses trials to strengthen our foundations; God places you under pressure so that your foundation can turn from sand to precious stones. Stand still for a minute and look what your foundation is made off: sand, rocks or precious stones. Remember pressure on sand will turn sand into a precious stone. A friend of mine that walked with me through my trials last year said to me once that after every trial I go through God gives me a precious pearl. Every time I had to endure I came out of it with a precious lesson I learnt which changed some ugly part of me into a precious pearl. Isn’t it amazing how God uses the hurt Satan causes in our lives to make something beautiful?  I decided to work with God and in a way I think that helped speed up my transformation. I believe that if you work against God’s will for your live, you make life difficult for yourself and you waste precious time. In the end you will not be able to change God’s will for your life, you will still get to where you are supposed to be, the time it will take you to get there will just be a lot longer.

Isaiah 54:11-13 O you afflicted, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold I will set your stones in fair colors and lay your foundations with sapphires. And I will make your windows pinnacles of agates rubies, and your gates of carbuncles, and all your walls of precious stones. And all your children shall be disciples and great shall be the peace {and} undisturbed composure of your children.

God builds with precious stones, but Satan builds with sand (fear, un-believe and un-forgiveness). Every time there is a storm your house collapses. The minute you trust God, you are safe, because God wants you to prosper.  John 10:10 I came that they may have {and} enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). Un-believe= insecurity and fear. Just because you have made the choice to fear something, it doesn’t mean you are in control of the situation. God doesn’t speak through fear, so when you fear you will not be able to hear God’s voice. If it feels like you don’t do anything when you trust, know that that is where God wants you. He will do it for you. Also remember to believe in God doesn’t mean that you can take a risk on God. Get to a place where you do not need a sign from God, a place where you feel safe and have peace, despite your circumstances, knowing that God is in charged. “Peace destroys the authority that establishes chaos.” (Arthur Burke). Peace is a weapon that God gave us. It destroys the power that chaos has in our lives. When you fear you lose your authority in the spiritual realm and you lose your peace. Release what you have inside of you; that which is from God and the situation will submit to it.

The spirits that work with the spirit of fear are the deaf and dumb spirit and a spirit of bondage. The minute you fear, you can’t hear God and you can’t talk about the truth of God’s Word anymore and then you will start to feel in bondage. Satan doesn’t come with only one little spirit to you, he comes with an army. He will attack you in several different areas in your life and he comes in full force.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm [and} well-balanced mind {and} discipline {and} self-control.

The next time you fear, turn around and start to praise and worship God and see what that does to the fear you are feeling.

Jeremiah 15:19 Therefore thus says the Lord [to Jeremiah]: If you return {and give up this mistaken tone of distrust and despair], then I will give you a settled place of quiet {and} safety, and you will be my minister, and if you separate the precious from the vile [cleansing your own heart from unworthy and unwarranted suspicions concerning God’s faithfulness], you shall be my mouthpiece.

1 Peter 5:8 “the devil roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger}” – trying to scare us. We have to overcome our fears. If we don’t we will become wounded bitter people who cannot forgive. You cannot have peace if there is bitterness and un-forgiveness in your heart. You will have to deal with your hurt and bitterness in order to gain peace.

God wants to build in you and build through you, but He can only do it if you have peace. God is the Prince of Peace. You must get to the point where you do not live in reaction to the people around you. Un-forgiveness and bitterness keep you in a place where you live in reaction to the people around you.

Isaiah 54:10 For though the mountains (it also speaks of places of authority) should depart and the hills be shaken {or} removed, yet My love {and} kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace {and} completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you.  

Keep your focus on God and not on what is going on around you. The minute you take your eyes and focus off God, you give Satan a chance to distract you with his lies.

The Issue of Discipline.

Things have been difficult for my children lately. They are in the middle of this war between my ex and I. I see it in their behaviour. They are hurting and confused. Last week my son’s play therapist told me that my son has told her that he doesn’t want to choose anymore. He has this aggressiveness in him lately and I don’t really know how to deal with it. Often he would be in a bad mood for no reason, sulking. He has started lying in an effort to please both my ex and I. We’ve had some serious talks about the fact that he lies and I can only pray that it has sunk in. I have stopped talking about my ex completely in an effort to put him at ease. After discussing it with his play therapist, I have decided that from now on if my son needs to do some activity on his father’s weekend, he must ask his dad himself. I will not allow myself to be in the middle of things anymore. If his dad promises him something and he doesn’t keep the promise there must be no misunderstanding about who’s to blame anymore. In the past when I have spoken to my ex about something that was promised to my son, I got accused of lying or he would just say he didn’t promise anything. Then he and I would be at each other’s throats again and my poor son would end up in the middle again. It is time my son start to figure out for himself what is going on. His dad being dishonest with him, doesn’t matter whether it’s just a white lie, is something I cannot protect him from anymore. I will not allow my own relationship with my son to go down the drain because I am trying to protect him from who his father is.

I have always been a firm believer that children need both parents to discipline them, especially when there is a young boy in the equation. It is just a fact that children need the strong hand of a dad when it comes to disciplining them. What to do when the father had walked out on his family? My home is still my children’s home, but now I am left to try and raise my children alone. Yes sure they see their father every second weekend and some nights during the week, but that doesn’t help me. At the end of the day they still spend most of their time with me. All is does is confuse the children, because now they have two sets of totally different rules and values.

In my house I try and teach them about God, we go to church every Sunday. In his house they don’t go to church, in fact it was said that they don’t have to go to church. The few times my son had asked his dad to take him to church, he was told that they don’t want to go to the same church I am going to. So now what do my children learn? I would like them to get to know God so that when they are ready they can decide for themselves if they want to continue a relationship with God or not. I want my children to know, based on their experiences, that we all need God in our lives. Their father is telling them with his actions that you don’t need or have to obey God in your life. It makes it difficult to install in my children the importance of having a relationship with God when their father tells them another story.

My ex is openly living and sleeping with his lover which makes it difficult to install in my children good moral values. How can I tell them that you shouldn’t sleep with someone if you are not married to that person, when their father says it is okay with his actions? How do I teach my children to respect the sanctity of marriage when their father didn’t and still doesn’t respect the sanctity of marriage? How do I teach my children to respect me when their father treats me with such disrespect in front of my children? I don’t even want to think about what gets said behind my back, but judging by their behaviour after they have been to his place I can only imagine. I have been warned not to badmouth their father as it will boomerang, so for all of you, who do make your ex bad in front of your children, stop it immediately. Your children will grow up and if your ex is really as bad as what you say, they will eventually figure it out themselves. Do not run the risk of destroying your relationship with your children, just so you can get your knife in as well. It is not always easy, but learn to shut your mouth when little ears are in the vicinity.

Sleep time is another problem. My children already go to sleep an hour later than normal. My ex insists they go sleep at 21h00 weekdays, but I don’t believe that. Not when I have seen with my own eyes him putting a movie on at 21h10 on a Wednesday night. How he can expect them to concentrate when they go sleep so late during the week only he will know. I however have no proof and therefore I will have to leave it at that.

I have started to curb my children’s time in front of the TV and PlayStation games as well. My ex tells me he does the same, but once again I find that hard to believe when all the children ever do is play games and watch movies. This coming from my children, I will again give him the benefit of the doubt.

If you are in the same situation as I am, the best you can do is be the best mother/father you can be, be consistent in your discipline and values, be a good example to your children, spend as much time as you can with them and love them to bits. Stop trying to be a father (in my case) and a psychologist. You will never know all the answers, you will never be perfect and you will never be able to protect your children against everything, all the time. I had to learn to allow God to look after my children when they are with my ex. A lot of the things my ex does I don’t agree with and 3 years ago he would have agreed with me on those matters. However he has to justify his actions and therefore we will not come to agree on certain things any more. If I have to sit here and worry about my children’s safety, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I will surely go nuts. My solution: To leave them in God’s hands. When I remember to do that I have peace. When I take over, my world starts to fall apart and bitterness and anger starts to become part of my life again.

For your own sake, forget about what’s going on when the children is with your ex and make the best of the time you have with them. In the long run your dedication to your believe system and values will pay off and will equip your children to be the well balanced adults I pray they will be one day.

 

Toxic People.

I have become aware of people with certain types of personality flaws over the past year that a person should try and avoid at all cost. Not because a person wants to be judgemental but because these types of people will pull you down and keep you down if they can. We all have some of these flaws to a certain degree as part of our personality, but some people are willing to look at themselves and change those flaws while other refuse to acknowledge that they even have these flaws and just won’t do anything about these negative and bad characteristics of their personalities.

First you get the arrogant-know-it-all’s. People who think the world revolve around their little lives and I say little because that is exactly what it is. They have reached 21 years and that is where they got stuck. They struggle through life looking for all the right things in all the wrong places. If they weren’t so blinded by their own importance maybe they would have figured it out by now. These are the people you can’t tell anything. They know a little about something, maybe due to work experience and now they think they know it all. Some of them had noble purposes in life, but because they choose to surround themselves with arrogant-know-it-all’s, it has rubbed off on them.  They don’t take criticism well at all, because that usually comes a little too close to the truth. Put a little money in the stew and suddenly they think they have the right as well to shunt people around. They like to demand instead of ask. No please and thank you for these people. I have no time for people like that.

You cannot talk to people like that. They won’t even consider your point of view, because they already know better. When they open their mouths they like to sound important. There is nothing more irritating than someone inflating himself and his own importance/knowledge. They often will take a situation/thought and twist and turn it until it suits their purpose, kind of take only what they want to make them look good or to justify what they do. Most of them will lie if it suites their purpose.  I think most of them are just little boys and girls trying to swim in the big old ocean, but sinking half of the time and because they already” know how to swim”, they won’t let you teach them. These are the people that will die one day and only their arrogant-know-it-all family will make the effort to be at their funeral. Despite all their efforts they will die one day without having made their mark in life.  We should feel sorry for people like that because despite their material wealth they are probably the poorest of poor.

Another type of person I want to avoid at all cost is the “Ja –broer” type. You get the plain and simple untrustworthy person. You know them, no secret about them. Then you get the person that will go through all the trouble of arranging something with you, agreeing to something or promising something, making all the right noises and at the last minute they back track with some stupid excuse that you can see coming from a mile is a lie. First time you might believe them, the second time you give them the benefit of the doubt and by the third time you’re just plain pissed off because you know they think you’re stupid enough to believe their bullshit and because they constantly waste your valuable time.  After that you should just accept its part of who they are and stop wasting your energy getting angry and your time trying to organise anything with them, you just pity them for being so ignorant that they think people don’t see right through them. These are the people that end up all alone because no one likes having a friend that’s no friend at all.  

Then there are the ticking-time-bombs. These people appear calm and collected, but oh boy they will explode at the slightest provocation. I say provocation with my tongue in my cheek. The one minute they will be smiling and the next they go off. Often over stuff that were their fault to begin with. They also can justify very well. Nothing is ever their fault. These are the people that will become abusive, physically and verbally, depending on their state of mind. Of course afterwards their violence was either your fault or a figment of your imagination. They will turn the situation around and make you the guilty one. In my opinion they are dangerous because you never know what will set them off. They are also dangerous because they can appear to be in control, but underneath they are a raging storm.

Another type to be avoided is the con-man. You never have disagreements with them because they never say anything to annoy you. They say what they think you want to hear. They sweet talk you into thinking they are your best buddy. They are basically just big fat liars. They will help you into the grave with a big fat smile on their face, making you feel good about your decent to hell. They know all the tricks in the book, only showing of them what they deem necessary to turn the situation in their favour. These people are selfish manipulators. They don’t care about anybody other than them self. It’s all about their needs.  If you are unfortunate enough to become friends with them, they will surely stab you in the back. Once you’re lying on the ground with the knife sticking out of your back, their ugly true persona usually shows itself. That will be a good time to kick oneself on the butt for being so stupid to be conned by them. A lesson learnt never to be forgotten again. Trouble with these people are that they are so good at what they do, having made it their mission in life to go through life riding on the backs of others, that the chances of running into one of them again and not knowing it is always a possibility. You also run the risk of becoming a cynic after becoming one of their victims. Do not let a few despicable people make you lose your trust in human beings as a rule.

Then there is the never-get-of-their-butt type. Some of these people just don’t have any vision or goal for their lives. The other side of the coin is the just-too-lazy-to-do-anything people. They want it all, but they want it the easy way, riding on the backs of other people. If you have to deal with these people you can be sure that sooner or later you will be labelled a nag. They will put of things until you eventually just give up and let it go. They don’t believe in the satisfaction of doing something for themselves. They cannot fathom the idea of working your butt off and at the end of the day standing back and experiencing the pride of having achieved something by yourself. It’s a completely foreign concept to them. They usually get something for nothing and eventually have the attitude that the world owes them. They are lazy people that will use people without feeling a twinge of quilt about it. On their own they will never achieve anything of value.

Negative people are also to be avoided. They will pull you down into their own pit of pessimism, negativity and depression. I’m not talking about people with real depression now, although these people can quite easily turn YOU into a totally depressed person. They have no hope and no faith. They complain about everything. They do not appreciate anything. They usually don’t believe in anything. They are the type that will build a home under their home, stashing it with food for just in case war breaks up. They don’t see the beauty in anything. For them the glass is always half empty. Do not let these people take the sunshine out of your day.

Then there are the professional- critics/judges. Everything you do or say is wrong. You will never be able to satisfy them. I think they are so judgemental because they feel so insecure. Don’t even try and satisfy them, because you will end up losing your own confidence. Any criticism from someone else is seen as a direct attack on them, doesn’t matter that it might be positive criticism. They will never be able to better themselves because they are so tuned into your mistakes that they cannot see their own mistakes.

Do not let other people’s attitude towards humanity and life in general, define who you are, define who and what you are yourself and live life to the fullest.

 

 

Battle of the Mind.

The last couple of weeks I have become aware of just a little bit of bitterness creeping into my life again. Something I want to avoid at all cost, because I know what bitterness can do to a person’s peace of mind. I sat down over the weekend and had a long hard look at what was going on in my life lately. I came to the conclusion that I have been “eating” a lot of garbage lately.

You see the battle between good and evil has everything to do with your mind. What you think is what you feel is what you do. Proverbs 23:7 “For as he (a person) thinks in his heart, so is he.” Your mind is the forerunner of your actions. The devil uses lies to corrupt your mind and therefore your actions. However he is very clever in how he does it. He begins with small nagging thought, suspicions, doubt, fears, reasonings and theories. He moves slowly. He knows our weaknesses and our fears. The Bible says that the weapons of our warfare are not physical, but spiritual (2Corinthians 10:4-5). Satan builds “strongholds” in our minds. Strongholds are areas in our lives in which we are held in bondage due to wrong patterns of thinking.

 

Let me give you an example: (From Battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer)

Mary and John are having marital problems. They are both angry and resentful. The tension in the house affects everyone, including their children. The problem is Mary is bossy – she doesn’t know how to let John be the head of the house. She makes all the decisions, handles the finances and disciplines the kids. She is independent, demanding and a nag. Mary knows that her attitude is wrong, but she doesn’t know how to change it. She has strongholds in her mind she doesn’t even know about. She knows she shouldn’t be rebellious, bossy, nagging, ectr, but she doesn’t know how to change her nature. She cannot control her actions, because she doesn’t control her thoughts. Satan started with his deception just before she got married. Mary was an extremely shy child and found it very difficult to make friends. She also had a serious relationship before she met John. It ended after her boyfriend cheated on her. He also couldn’t get serious about a job and as a result wasn’t a good provider. By the time she met John she’s been brain-washed with lies like: Men can’t provide for you. You will never be able to keep a man. They are all unreliable cheaters. They will hurt you. You have to take control of your own destiny.” As a result Mary promised herself that no man will use her again and that she will not be dependent on any man. Even if she wanted to be a sweet adorable submissive wife, she couldn’t, because her thoughts determined her actions.

John also had lies told to him. He should take up his position as head of the family. He knows he should not allow his wife to run the household, finances, children and himself, but he doesn’t do anything about it except feel defeated and retreat into TV and sports. John is hiding from his responsibility because he hates confrontation. He prefers to take a passive attitude. Just like Mary John had been lied to by Satan. As a young boy he often experienced physical and emotional abuse by his mother. He tried desperately to gain her approval but it was never enough. She often told him that he will amount to nothing or won’t make it. He also was a loner at school, having experienced some rejection from some kids at school. This is normal, but for John it was worse because of the rejection he experienced at home. Just before he met Mary he also experienced rejection from a girl he loved very much. By the time he met Mary he had thoughts in his mind that went like this: It’s no use telling people how you feel, they won’t listen. If you want people to accept you, go along with whatever they want. He had no courage to be anything but shy and withdrawn, avoiding making waves at all cost. The few times he tried to stand his ground, it seemed that he always ended up losing, so he decided confrontation just wasn’t worth the effort. 

Will John and Mary make it? It depends on whether they can recognise the strongholds in their lives and deal with it. It is vital that you get your thoughts in line with God’s Word. If we think fleshly thoughts, wrong thoughts, negative thoughts, our lives will be negative. It is so important that you start thinking about what you think. You have to allow God to change your thinking patterns. This is a slow process and not always easy, but it is so worth it in the end. Don’t ever give up and NEVER lose hope, if you do your life will truly be miserable. That is the difference between someone who has a relationship with God and someone who doesn’t. The one is miserable and HOPELESS; the other is miserable but always has hope. Why is it a slow process? To stop us from becoming proud, thinking that we know it all. This is truly a gift from God and not something you can EVER achieve by yourself.

The Bible tells us to meditate on the Word, to fill our minds with good and pure thoughts. At this point I want to stress that right thinking has nothing to do with salvation. Salvation is based solely on the blood of Jesus. A lot people will be saved, but will never have lived their lives in victory.
 

  

My life was almost an exact replica of Mary’s, if I didn’t know better I would have thought she was talking about me. I heard the word stronghold for the first time when I started counselling at the church and suddenly it all made sense. Unfortunately for me it was too late. For the first time I understood why I couldn’t change my personality. With the help of some wonderful people I started breaking down these strongholds. It wasn’t easy and yes there were times when I wanted to give up, but I didn’t. I can honestly say as long as I kept clinging to God (and sometimes it was clinging for dear life), I always had hope. Doesn’t matter how bad things got, I always had hope. I had to learn how to have a relationship with God, how to stay obedient to God’s Word and how to trust Him and let go when all I wanted to do was take matters in my own hands. At this point in my life I seldom feel like my prayers are hitting the ceiling. This afternoon a simple thing like asking God to let the wind calm down was answered. My finances are completely in God’s hands and oh what capable hands. I have been blessed beyond words, not once in the last year have I not been able to fulfil my financial obligations, doesn’t matter how bleak things looked at times. Every time I asked God for more work, I got it. When I have asked for guidance and wisdom where my children were concerned, I got it.

And I am never WITHOUT HOPE anymore. This last year started of pretty hopeless, but that all have changed. Living with hope, makes everything I have gone through worth it. Having peace makes everything I went through worth it. Having God looking after my needs, never ever having to worry about where my food, money, ectr will come from, makes everything worth it. GOD MAKES LIVING WORTH IT!!!!!

Are you having problems in a relationship? Do not close your eyes and continue to live in denial. Let go of your pride and admit that you have a problem. Go speak to someone and start to break down these strongholds. It will change your live forever. I cannot wait to meet the man God has chosen for me. I cannot wait to start a new marriage without strongholds keeping me in bondage. I cannot wait to be the wife I was made to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Children's Hurt and Confusion.

I am feeling so sad today. Looking back over the last year, I realised what my ex and I have done and is still doing to our kids. It breaks my heart to see how our divorce is affecting our kids. Everyone says children are resilient; they will get through this just fine. Will they really? I think that is just us adult’s way of justifying what we are doing to our children. How many adult people are there today that had their family rip apart by divorce that aren’t sitting today with the scars?

Every time my ex and I are having one of our battles, I see the affect it has on my children. My daughter suddenly don’t want to let go when I drop her off at school, crying. Do you know what that does to a mother’s heart? Do you know what it does to a mother driving home crying because you can’t fix your daughter’s hurt?  Do you know how desperate it makes me feel that my son is lying to us because he is too scared to tell us the truth? Too scared to tell us how he really feels, because then we might not love him anymore. Too see the conflict he experienced because he is in the middle of his parents mud-slinging.  Parents that hate each other and blame each other for the choices they made. Parents who’s angry with each other because their lives are in shambles and whose fault is that? Is it the children’s fault, your ex- partner? No it is your own fault!! You made the choices in your life, no one else.

Why is it that a child has to suffer because we as adults can’t accept responsibility for the things we do? Who’s to blame when you badmouthed your ex, who’s to blame when you and your ex can’t control yourself in front of the children, screaming and shouting horrible things to each other? My God this is two people that made those children making love to each other, two people that stood looking at that new born baby in absolute wonder, two people that watch that first little unstable step he /she took, two people who couldn’t wait for that first little word. We were given this responsibility by God and what did we do? Not only did we allow our marriage to fall apart ripping our children’s lives apart, no we didn’t stop there. We had to take it a little further and destroy the other person with our hate and bitterness over something that was our own fault from the start and as an added bonus we will “sommer” take our children down with us. If I can’t have him/her, then you won’t either. Do we really deserve to have children then?  

It is the same as killing that child. Killing the spirit of that child, destroying him/her emotionally and all because two supposedly adult people cannot sort there shit out. Two adult people that carry so much hate and bitterness with them, that they cannot for the sake of their children sit down and come to an agreement. When will we wake up? When it is too late, when the damage has been done, when we have lost the love and respect of our children? We are fighting for our children’s love, when we already have it. Isn’t it ironic that in the end we will lose their love, fighting for it. Lose their love, because they cannot love someone they cannot respect.

Well I have decided to stop fighting for their love. I was made to be their mother,  just like you my ex were made to be their father, to love them, to teach them and that is what I will do from now on. I will not let my feelings towards my ex drive my children away from me anymore. I will not allow myself to be pulled into hateful arguments anymore. Someone said to me the other day, that if you don’t reply/react to something, there is nothing to react to. That will be my motto from now on. My feelings will be that of someone who lost her husband to death. He is no longer there and she will remember the good memories they made together. She will be sad and she will miss him, but she will not be angry with him anymore.

I will see it for what it is two people that love each other but have been so hurt by each other that the only way they know how to deal with it, is to continue hurting each other. I will not look at what his doing anymore, but at how Satan is using him to derail me. That is what it comes down to. A spiritual battle between Satan and me. This morning a very good friend send me these Bible verses reminding me of my identity in Christ.

Ephesians 1:3, 17-23 “Who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm”, “By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints.”

Ephesians 3:18-20 “Now to Him Who, by the power that is at work within us, is able to do superabundantly, far over above all that we ask or think.”

For a while I forgot who I am in Christ. I became the lost sinner without hope again. I took my children’s confusion and their reaction to it personally, forgetting that they don’t even understand what it means to take something personally. I was reminded today that I can do anything through Christ in me.

In one of my previous blog's I spoke about the Father of lies. Satan used my fear of losing my children and ran with it. He brought his friend the spirit of aggression, which invited his friend the spirit of unforgiveness and they invited the spirit of bitterness and rebellion and they stole my peace. Thank You J** for reminding me of my identity in Christ and how easy it is to get rid of these unwelcome visitors. I have my peace back. 
 
To my ex, if you read this:

• I will not fight with you or allow myself to be pulled into a fight by you anymore
• I will not allow anything you say to badmouthing me to our children, to affect my relationship with my children any more
• I will not say or do anything re you to our children that will make them lose their respect for me any more
• I will be the best mother I can be to them, supporting, protecting, teaching and loving them with my whole being.
• I will grow up, accept my part in this fiasco, lift my head up and walk towards the future with the sure knowledge that I will not be doing it alone.
• With God’s help this fiasco will be fixed and we will have a new family, because that is what my children deserve.

A father and mother under one roof, loving them, supporting them, protecting them and teaching them to be the best they can be by using the example they see in their parents, whether maternal or step.

From Love To Hate.

How sad that two people can start of loving each other and end that love affair absolutely hating and despising each other. It has gone from “You will always be the love of my life”, said to me during the course of last year to “You stupid f*@king bitch” and “I HATE YOU” as reasontly as yesterday.  The saying “there is a thin line between love and hate” has made me wonder if this extremely violent and abusive reaction of my ex to just about anything I do these days, might mean that he still have tender feelings for “the love of his life”. After all it was him that said a very long time ago that as long as you feel hate for someone it means you are still emotionally involved with that person. Too bad my emotions have flat lined where he is concerned. I feel neither hate nor love for him.  I feel a lot of disgust in what he has become, but no love or hate. 

Our love/hate relationship started because he was giving me hope while continuing his affair with his mistress. When I confronted him with it telling him I am sick and tired of his lying and the emotional games he was playing with me, (you see at that time I still hoped we could restore our marriage), he eventually got a protection order against me, supposedly to protect his new relationship from me. I told him it was to protect himself from all his lies. I asked him to let it go, but he didn’t and that caused a lot of tension between us. I was shocked that he could do something like that and didn’t even want to defend myself. However I decided that I will not let him tarnish my good name and went to defend myself. First time ever I had to defend myself in court. The case got thrown out, so it speaks for itself. He even admitted to the judge that he still have feelings for me. That day when I walked out of that court my feelings for him died permanently.

After that I had to endure regular insults re my ability to be a mother, he threatened to have my children removed, screamed at me when he came to fetch the children, to the embarrassment of myself, my children and all the neighbours that had to listen to his tirades. I tried to keep contact to the minimum, only speaking to him about the children. Then one afternoon he force my crying 4 year old into his car (she wanted to stay with me that night, but he had them for the last part of the holiday and what he wants, he gets), only to leave her two hours later with his mistress while he went to his own flat. After they kept me from speaking to her I went to the police. That was the first time ever I went to the police. When I was told that I could go fetch her, as she was supposed to have been in his care and she wasn’t, his mistress not only ignored my phone calls but when I got to her home she let the dogs out, preventing me from entering her property. You also smell something fishy? Eventually he got there and I left after he assured me that he was going to stay the night. Later I had to find out he left his car there in case I decided to come back and took her daughter’s car and went home again. Now you tell me what kind of a father does stuff like that?

Eventually we ended up signing an agreement to the effect that we will consult each other if we cannot take care of our children ourselves. Unfortunately it wasn’t quite two weeks before he broke that agreement and left the children with her while he went on night shift. He himself said it did worry him to leave the kids alone with her, because they do live in an area which is known for house robberies and he admitted that they can’t arm the alarm system when the children are there. That is if there really is an alarm system. He’s lying so much I honestly do not know what to believe anymore.  Just over a year ago her husband was murdered in that same house during a robbery, probably in the very same bedroom they are sharing now.  It gives me the creeps knowing that my children have been in that room. Can you see my concerns? I at least want a man there during the night.

Two weeks after the last incident I caught him lying to me again about working night shift after I specifically asked him two days before whether he is working night shift or not. I confronted him and after some seriously rude and slanderous comments and insults, (which I’m considering taking further, if I cannot make that kind of statements it is only fair that he can’t either) I was told that social services will come get the kids that night. I knew he was just trying to scare me, but what made me angry is that he said he will phone my 9 year old son and explain why they will be taken away. I could not believe that he could be so cruel as to put my son through that kind of emotional torment. I had to explain to my son what his father wants to do and tell him that it is not true and that he mustn’t get upset about it. It’s one thing to be cruel to me, but when you touch my children you are barking up the wrong tree. It just tripled the disgust I felt for him. Now I am supposed to let my children think he is this wonderful man. How the hell am I supposed to do that?????? Thank God my children are growing up and will soon recognise him for what he is. I never thought I would wish my children big, but I do because while they are so small they have no defence against his manipulation. At least when they are bigger they can decide for themselves. I shudder to think what the conflict between him and me are and will still do to our children emotionally. I wonder if his mistress and him can still justify their affair with “the kids will be fine”??????????

After our little incident he became even more spiteful and refused to pay my maintenance as agreed. He is trying to spite me but he forgets that that money was supposed to pay the children’s day care and aftercare. He also forgets that I have a Heavenly Father looking after me and that I have learnt a long time ago that I cannot depend on his word for anything. Once again God provided, so frankly he can stuff his maintenance. To be honest he must have re-evaluated his very dire situation and decided to pay his maintenance as agreed, so I did get the payment this morning.

This last incident left me with the question of whether to let him continue to manipulate me or whether to stand up for my rights and take him to court. However there are the children to consider. Do I really want to put them through a court case, just because their father has proved himself unreliable? Do I really want to have him arrested for not paying his maintenance on time? On the other hand he was willing to have me arrested for fighting for our relationship and the unity of our family. Will going to court make him grow up and take his responsibilities seriously or is it too late for him to grow up at all. Isn’t his present behaviour just a sign of a little boy that never learnt to stand on his own two feet? Can a two year old stop throwing tantrums when he doesn’t get his way? Is it possible for an emotionally insecure man to suddenly start believing in himself?

Point is what will be the best for the children? My mind says that we should keep things as normal for them as possible, but at the same time I realised that his continued disregard for the court order cannot be allowed to continue. The court order and agreement between us are there to stabilise things between us, but as long as he does as he pleases there can be no stability between us and therefore also not for our children. The Bible clearly states that you should obey the laws of your country. Isn’t sticking to the court agreement obeying the law of this country re divorce? So maybe in the end it will be in the best interest of our children to go to court. Thank God I can ask Him to help me make that decision, knowing that if I have to go ahead He will be there every step of the way, just like He was there with the protection order case. Right before that case God confirmed several times that He will protect me from the evil deeds brought against me and that justice will prevail, I have no doubt in my mind that He will do it again.
I really want this unpleasantness to stop. I would like to sort things out in a civil way, but how do you do that with someone that has no regard for the law and does exactly as he pleases. Everyone tells me the divorce agreement is there to keep things civil, but then I suppose that can only happen if both parties are willing to stick to it. He is under the misconception that he will have the upper hand in court, but he hasn’t done his homework very well. So no I don’t want to take this to its ugly end, but then I might not have a choice. A year ago I would have been dead scared, but thanks to his underhanded tactics and lying and my newfound trust in an Almighty and just God, I am now ready and willing to take this thing to the end. He still doesn’t understand to what lengths a mother will go to protect her children, even if it is their father they need protection from. Well he will soon find out just exactly how much he doesn’t understand the concept of a mother’s love.

Ladies and gents sometimes you have to be willing to take things to its ugly conclusion in order to find some peace. It might be daunting and very unpleasant, but if the cause is worth it, then it is worth fighting for it and my children are worth every single minute I will spend in court. Sometimes I wish he would just disappear, but I won’t be so lucky, so I guess once again I will find out what a strong person I am. I know in the end justice will be for me, because a person that lies the whole time can’t keep up with his lies and sooner rather than later he will slip up and hang himself. The noose is already around his neck, all I have to do is wait for him to tighten it and step of the chair. He made the wrong choice three years ago and in his arrogance he thought he will be exempt from taking responsibility for that choice. It is as Bono said once: “If you are a Christian you will have to deal with God’s justice and if you are not you will still have to deal with Carma. I would rather deal with God’s justice”. Either way what you sow, you will reap. My ex chose to sow evil instead of good, so I guess he can only expect to reap evil. At one time I wanted God to crush him, because I hated him, now crushing him might be the only way to save his soul. Soon the wheel will be spinning out of control and I can only hope for the sake of my children that he will then accept God’s hand. I know God has already sent His Angels to draw a wall around my children and me and thanks to a dear friend I can now feel that wall even if I can’t see it. I hope that one day my ex will also experience the peace of God’s wall around him.