It is FINISHED!

This weekend I attended a course called Position for Blessing and when I walked out on Saturday afternoon I realised "It is finished". What a wonderful feeling to have after the year I had.

Walking into the course I knew their were a couple of things I still needed to lay to rest. Most of it I have already buried but not deep enough. Buried also isn't really the right word, because I didn't bury it as in never to deal with it, but buried it as in I worked through it and made a tick behind it.

Well I closed and sealed the doors on those things, with the blood of Jesus Christ, never to open it again. Wow what a feeling!!!!!! I forgave and released all the people that I still needed to forgive and release and it really does set you free. I have learnt to put all the people that have hurt me in the past year and a half in the River of Mercy and I have learnt to Bless them.

Small things that bothered me like smoking I have stopped. I could not do it before, but this weekend with God's help I just stopped and  I feel great. I learnt how special I am to God and how much He wants to bless me. I have also learnt that the only way that God's blessings can be released in my life is by total obedience. For some people obedience is too much, but why would you separate yourself from all that God has for you, just because you cannot obey a few simple principles. I am living proof of God's faithfulness when you obey Him.

 

 

I can look back at the last 18 months and truly thank God. My life at the moment is amasing. Never have I had so many true friends, never have I had so much independence and never have I had so much time for me and my children. My finances and my health is improving daily and I have so much peace I don't know what to do with it all. What more can a person ask for. My life is full in all the areas that really matter.

With this blog I want to thank all my beautiful friends and family for all your support in the last 18 months. You walked the path with me, helping me dry the tears, carrying me when I just couldn't walk anymore and holding me when time and time again I had to endure the cruelties of divorce. All my family at church, you are the best. Together we are still going to rock this city. To my ex, thank you for helping to open my eyes. I wish you and your future wife all the best. To my future husband, I will be to you everything I wasn't to my ex and you will be the godly leader in our house I so desperately needed and wanted. I look forward to spending the rest of my life getting to know you.

Tomorrow exactly 1year and 6 months ago, to the day, my life fell apart. Today I can truly say it is FINISHED!!!!

A last word to all the people whose trust in their partner has been destroyed:
Yes it is the worse thing that can happen to you, BUT if you allow God to fix this for you, you will look back at the best time of your life. So I hated school, but looking back I had some of the best times of my life at school. The same goes for the breakdown of my marriage. I hated it, but looking back I had some of the best times of my life in the last 18months. If your attitude is right and you HOLD ON to God it can turn out as the best thing that has ever happen to you.

Strong's and remember there is life after divorce!!!!

Anger - Is it worth it????

Anger, what a destructive emotion. About a week ago my ex accused me and my family of being bullies and basically people with no hearts. All because they didn’t like what he was doing to me and weren’t scared of showing it.

We grew up as what some people will call ‘boertjies”. We came from an Afrikaans farming community with a relatively conservative upbringing. He grew up in an English household and from what I have seen, a more liberal upbringing. My family have always been straight forward kind of people. We don’t beat around the bush, we stick together and we are loyal. Oh sure we have our fights, but family have always been more important and we always sort our problems out. We can be brutally honest, but that is exactly what made the bond between us so strong. We know exactly where we stand with each other. We don’t hesitate to tell each other the truth if we think it is in the person’s best interest. I can honestly say that there is not one single thing between me and my family at the moment. We have dealt with all our issues. As far as I know the same goes for the rest of my family. We love each other and therefore we do not let society’s rules, stop us from protecting each other in which-ever way necessary.

My ex’s family from what I have seen, do not like to step on each other’s toes. I could never understand it, because how do you truly get to know someone if you are not honest with them about how you feel. I can understand it when it is someone outside the family, but when it comes to family you should be able to be honest with them about stuff. In the end that’s all you have in this world, your family. They don’t say blood is thicker than water for no reason. True I think they dealt with a lot of stuff, but there have also been things they have never dealt with or took so long to deal with that it caused so much unnecessary pain and division. In Afrikaans we have a saying “Moenie ‘n moordkuil van jou hart maak nie”. It means to say and do what’s in your heart, that way there can be no misunderstandings.

My ex told me a while back that he is angry with me and he hates my family.

 

 

I think that says it all. My ex is angry with my family, because he feels they treated him like an outsider. Right from the start he felt that they looked down on him. Whenever we visited them, he would put on this mask, portraying someone he wasn’t. He never allowed them to see the real person and because my family aren’t stupid they picked up on the fact that he wasn’t who he wanted them to think he was. Now I ask the question, what would you have done it you were in their situation? Together with that was the fact that in the first 10 years of our marriage he had about 10 jobs and we moved probably the same amount of times. We constantly had to go to them for financial help and my sister picked up on the fact that I was a nervous wreck. All he was showing to them was this man that wasn’t giving his wife any security and who tried to con them into thinking he was someone he wasn’t. Considering how tight we were, can you blame them for getting antagonistic towards him? By not being open with them, he chose not to be part of the family. By not trusting them with his feelings, he chose to become an outsider. Can he really blame them for protecting one of their own? Is his anger and hate towards them justified, if he was the one that cause the antagonism with his attitude?

As to being angry with me, that is another mystery to me. Wasn’t he the one that made the choice to go outside our marriage? Did I force him to make that choice? Did I initiate divorce procedures? Was I the one that refused to give our marriage a chance by not giving us a chance to correct our mistakes? Is it my fault he finds himself in a corner now, having exhausted his options? Is it my fault he isn’t seeing his children as much as he could have? Did I force him to move out? So why is he directing his anger towards me? Why is he using our children to get back at me?

 



Again I think this says it all. Is it fair that he should blame me for the consequences of his choices?

Six months ago I was at a place where I was angry with my ex for putting our family through all the hurt, with the world in general because it was a miserable place to life in and with God for allowing all this to happen to me. It brought a spirit of hate, bitterness and unforgiveness into my life which completely destroyed my peace of mind. It was busy destroying me. Round about that time I read a book about anger. The author said we get angry because of our inability to control people and their actions which in turn results in our goals not being realised. I didn’t really need to read the book, because several of my friends basically told me the same thing, I just chose not to listen to them and I had to deal with the consequences of that decision. I realise that the only thing I have some control over was God’s purpose for my life. I didn’t have control over His purpose for my life, but I had control over how it will play out in my life. I could choose to defy Him, but the last year was testimony to what that defiance would bring to my life or I could chose to let go and let God. I had to forgive my ex and his lover because that is what God demanded from me. I also had to ask for forgiveness for blaming God for my miserable situation. I had to face myself and forgive myself for my part in the failure of my marriage. It meant being brutally honest with myself. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t something I enjoyed, but it brought peace and freedom. I had to make a choice to life for myself and make my own rules or to follow God’s rules.

The last 6 months is testimony to why it is better to follow God’s rule. He knew what He was doing when he put the guidelines to life in the Bible. After all He is our Maker, why should He not know what is best for us. What makes us think that we know better, when our lives are testimony of what happens when you walk away from God? You only have to look at the world to see how unqualified we are to make the rules. It is in our sinful nature to destroy; nature, relationships, each other. God is the only One that can heal and fix what we have chosen to destroy.

If you allow anger to fester, it WILL destroy you, your life and everyone around you. The only way to deal with anger is to make peace with yourself first and second to make peace with your enemies. To forgive!!!!!!!!!! Have the guts to turn to yourself and fix your mistakes. Allow God to make you a new person. It is not always easy and it takes a lot of hard work. Not work in the sense of doing something, but work in the sense of putting all you faith in God’s plan for you. It is hard work to keep the faith. Every day we get bombarded with attacks from Satan to try and destroy our faith. You have to work hard at keeping you armour in place. How do you do that? With OBEDIENCE TO GOD’S WORD. How do you obey God? By getting to know Him, talking to Him and listening to His voice.

In the end it comes down to another choice. Do you let go of your anger and live or do you hold on to it and allow your soul to die a slow miserable death. Some people don't have the guts to look at themselves, but in the end they will carry the consequences of that form of cowardice. Their life will show the fruits of anger, bitterness and hate. Those who have the courage to take the leap of faith and trust God to show them who they are and allow Him to change them will show the fruits of peace and joy in their lives.  

 

Trust me when I say that hanging on to anger, how justified, is not worth it in the end. It will destroy you. It will waste valuable time.

 

 



Spiritual Realm

Every person has at the same time part in two worlds, the natural and spiritual worlds. A lot of people do not acknowledge the spiritual world, others do not know about it and many other people know about it but do not concern themselves with it. It however does not make the spiritual world less of a reality.

In today’s modern society many people have become interested in the spiritual world. They want to know how they can get in contact with the spiritual world and also about the powers that are available. If you do not approach the spiritual world from a Biblical point of view, it can become very dangerous. If you enter this world without the protection of God and The Holy Spirit, you can open yourself up to influences from evil spirits. If you play with fire, you WILL get burned.

Now the question is must Christians get involved in the spiritual world? The answer is yes if they want to live in victory. The spiritual realm has a huge influence in our lives, just like our lives can have an influence in the spiritual realm.

Ephesians 6:12 For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

The influence of a Christian gets determined by his status in the spiritual world and not his status in the natural world.

The Bible is the most reliable source when it comes to information re the spiritual realm. The spiritual realm is a world in another dimension. It is here, there and everywhere. In 2 Kings 6 Elisha was allowed to look at the two worlds for a second. In Job we see how the spiritual world influences the natural world. In Job Satan challenges God to prove that Job loved God for who he was and not for what He gave Job. Job in the natural world knew nothing of what was happening in the spiritual world and why his life on earth became intolerable for a while. Job is a perfect example of how God gets blamed for things that happen on earth because of workings in the spiritual realm. It wasn’t God that made all the things happen to Job. It was Satan’s doing, but God allowed it to happen. Notice that through it all, God was always in control.

John 10:10 The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have
{and} enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)

The spiritual realm starts with God who created everything and everyone. Col 1:16 For it was in Him that all things were created, in heaven and on earth….. all things were created {and} exist through Him [by His service, intervention] and in {and} for Him.

God is Spirit and He is the only Spirit that is omnipresent, so He cannot be compared with any other spirit in the spiritual realm. Because God is a Spirit we cannot communicate with Him through human methods. The spiritual realm is closed for human beings. What we know of it, we will only know if it is shown to us. Of a person’s spirit you will only know that which the spirit will show you. Therefore all knowledge of the spiritual realm is knowledge shown to us by God or other spirits. In Jesus, God made Himself a physical entity that can be seen and touched. Through Jesus, God gave us knowledge of Himself. Because we are also in part spirit, it is possible to meet and personally get to know God, but for that we need the Holy Spirit to renew our spirits. With the fall, our spirits died and when you repent your sins and accept Jesus as your personal Saviour, the Holy Spirit comes and renews your spirit. The closer we come to God the more He will reveal of the spiritual realm through the Holy Spirit. In the same way Satan will also reveal the spiritual realm to the unbeliever, with fatal results for such a person.

When a person gets reborn, the spirit of God comes to live inside that person through the Holy Spirit. Any person that has experience the power of the Holy Spirit in their life, will know how precious this kind of meeting with God is. On 4 occasions God has shown Himself to me in a very powerful way and it changed my life forever. No other experience will ever be more precious than experiencing God’s presence like I did that day and I will never ever again doubt in the fact that I believe in a powerful living God.

Who lives in the spiritual realm?

Angels:

Angels were created by God before God created the universe. They are without sin and have been created to glorify God. The word angel means “messenger”. Angels are serving spirits, in other words they don’t have a physical body. Just because they don’t have a body, it does not mean that they don’t have a specific form, appearance and personality. Because they are spirits they do not adhere to the laws of the physical dimension. They are more powerful and intelligent than human beings. They do have the ability to appear in the natural world in a form that can be seen by human beings.

God created angels as individual beings. They are without gender, which means they do not procreate like human beings. Their numbers therefore stays the same as the day they were created. Although they are without gender it is known that fallen angels are often obsessed with the sexual. Angels, just like human beings also have a free will.

Hierarchy of angels:

The Angel of the Lord – this angel was actively involved with the Israelites in the Old Testament. In the New Testament we get to know Him as Jesus Christ.

The Arch Angel - The prefix “arch” means head or leader. The Bible calls only one angel by this name, namely Migael, whose name means “who is equal to or like God”. It looks like Migael is the leader of the angels of God.

In Daniel 10 it seems that the different nations has in the spiritual realm their own princes, angel or evil spirit, that determines and controls the course of that nation’s existence from behind the scenes.

Gabriel or “man of God” – a messenger from God. It is also Gabriel that announces the birth of Jesus.

Cherubim – It is unknown what the word really means, but it seems that they are in God’s company a lot. They were the angels that protected The Garden of Eden and the entrance to the Tree of Life after the fall. It seems that they are stationed around the throne of God, where they protect the glory and thrown of God. In Ezekiel 28:14,16 it seems that Lucifer was such an angel.

Seraphim- their name comes from a word that means burning. They work in conjunction with the cherubim.

Normal angels – they do different things in service of God.

It is important to realise that God values human beings as more important than angels and that there is no jealousy because of this Father-child relationship that God has with human beings. There is nothing more precious to God than the love and worship of His earthly children. Angels were created for and to glorify God. To glorify God, is the highest service a human being or an angel can be busy with. Angels were created to serve. God meant for the human being to rule on earth.

Right through the Bible angels were messengers, until after the resurrection and ascension of Jesus. After this the Holy Spirit seems to have taken over from the angels. Because the Holy Spirit stays in us, God is in direct contact with us. That does not mean that God does not still use angels, especially to communicate with unsaved people, who do not have the Holy Spirit in them. The Holy Spirit communicates directly with the spirit of a human being, so we do not become aware of Him through our senses like it can be the case with angels.

It is important to know that in the last days the angels will start to play a more dominant role again. Angels until then will help protect the human beings. It is important to know that only God can give an angel an order. It also seems that at the death of a believer angels guide you through to the other side. Every time a believer dies, the angels rejoice, for another soul made it to heaven.

For the unbeliever another type of welcome awaits one from the angel of death. This is another example of how God can and will use even evil spirits to do what He want. This angel will gather the souls of unbelievers. This is another example of God’s all mighty power in the spiritual realm.

Who is Satan?

In Ezekiel 28:14-16 it seems that Satan was a very important cherubim. He was probably the most important cherubim. According to the Bible he was probably the most perfect of all angels. In Isaiah 14:12 he is called the light bringer and daystar, son of the morning. Pride and greed was probably Lucifer’s downfall. He chose not to serve God anymore. He wanted to rule himself. In Gen 3:15 God makes the so called “promise of the seed”. After this the story unfolds of Satan doing everything in his power to stop the coming of the Messiah. Right through the OT the story unfolds of Satan trying to stop the messianic line from which the Messiah would come and how God stopped Him from succeeding. In the NT he tries to stop the birth of Jesus in several ways and when he couldn’t succeed he tried to stop the death of Jesus on the cross. Deut 21:23, Gal 3:13 it says that Cursed is everyone who hangs from a tree. By dying on the cross Jesus became the curse Himself and made it possible for us to gain eternal life.

Names of Satan:

Satan – means accuser

Devil – means accuser, slanderer. It refers to his work on earth.

Snake – probably because this was the form in which he first tempted the human

Lucifer – star of the morning and son of the dawn. This is in reference to his position before his fall.

Beelzebul – god of flies

Belial – means worthless men or lacking worth. It refers to the presence of evil.

The forces of Satan are called demons. According to the Bible there are two groups of demons. There are one group that roams free with Satan and another group that is prisoners in the bottomless pit (Abyss). Luke 8:31, Revelation 9:1-2, 11, 17:8, 20:1,3 It seems that these fallen angels possibly were the angels that committed sexual acts with the women of the world. (Jude 1:6,7)

Just like angels demons also have personalities, but they are evil. Demons have a desire to be in a physical body, probably due to the fact that they are very restless and being in a body calms them and also because they have much more influence on the life of a person if they can control his body, will and mind. Fallen angels can never be saved again. They are without hope, future and mercy; they are desperate and merciless in their hate towards human beings. Some demons specialise in a specific area of evil eg. Spirits of the lies, ectr.

Satan’s forces also have a hierarchy namely Satan, rulers and principalities, authorities, powers of the world and evil spirits. Although Satan is a fallen angel, he still has a lot of power on earth. It is however important to always remember that God is Almighty and that God only tolerates Satan because Satan also have a role to play in God’s plan. Be careful not to give Satan more credit than is due but also not to give him too little credit. Our authority over Satan depends directly on the presence of God in our lives. Through God we can do anything. On our own we are but a sinking ship in the storm Satan causes in our lives. Satan cannot create anything he can only destroy what God has created. God does not need to become involve in a fight with Satan. Satan has already been defeated when he was banned from the glory of God. Jesus died not to overcome Satan, but to make it possible for me and you to be saved, to have eternal life, to live in victory. In James 4:7 we are given the reassurance that if we resist the devil in the name of Jesus Christ, he will flee from us.  

Yes there is a war going on in the spiritual realm, but because Satan has already been defeated, we as Christians do not have to fear the power of Satan. Must we know the works of Satan? Yes definitely, but we never have to fear him. Satan cannot do anything to God and because of that he will try and destroy that which God created. When God created us, he gave the authority over the earth to Adam and with the fall Adam gave that authority to Satan. Everything God created has been influenced by the fall. Satan even has power over nature, but God still determines the boundaries of that power. So often God is blamed for disasters, but the Bible makes it very clear that God is the source of everything good. (John 10:10 en James 1:17). God can however take the ugly that Satan causes in our lives and turn it into something good and beautiful.

Trials vs Temptations:

God gives us trials to test our faith, Satan tempts us. It is important to avoid temptations as much as possible.  A temptation only becomes sin when you give in to it, therefore we must avoid temptations and even flee from it. If we cannot avoid it, we MUST resist it. 1 Tim 6:10-11, 2 Tim 2:22

It is not okay to use the excuse that we are only human to justify giving in to temptation, in any case not if you are a Christian. God gave you a free will and you have to take responsibility for the choices you make. As a Christian you can say NO. Ephesians 6:12 For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.  Satan knows your weakness and he will use it to tempt you. Every person has basic cravings or needs, but God provided us with basic principles wherein these needs can be satisfied. Our needs are also always subject to God’s word and will. Unfortunately our needs and our will have become more important than God’s will. Your needs eventually becomes your god. You cannot disobey the principles of the Bible and expect not to bare the fruits of that disobedience. Satan is a hard and cruel boss to work for.

What is the difference between a trial and a temptation? Temptation will always lead to sin.  Trial is something that comes from God and if you walk through it with the right attitude, you will come out a better person on the other side.

When Satan tempt you he does not only want you to sin, but he wants to bind you. When I go against God’s word and will I give Satan the legal right to work in my life and I deprive myself of the Lord’s protection. Christians can live in bondage, depriving themselves of living in victory. You become a slave of whatever it is that Satan holds over you.

Sin starts with a temptation, temptation implies a choice. The day you no longer have a choice over whether you want to sin or not, you probably are in bondage to Satan.

How do you get rid of a bondage?

1.       Fasting and prayer
2.       Traumatic event can also lead to deliverance
3.       Deliverance

Remember a child of God cannot be demon possessed. Your soul already belongs to God.

Demon possession – when a person’s life gets taken over by a demon/demons to such an extent that that person is not in control any more.  When a person is being possessed by a demon, that person can have supernatural powers. When demons get in contact with the power of Jesus Christ they often will manifest in some way. They will normally try and talk to you, but you do not have to get involve in a conversation with them. Just rebuke them in the name of Jesus Christ.  Remember not all people with problems are demon possessed. You have to always let the Holy Spirit guide you.

If you want to deliver someone from an evil spirit, you need the power of the Holy Spirit, you need to know God and be filled with the Holy Spirit. The more God is in control in your life, the more control you will have over demons in your life. Demons enter your life because of sins you commit or committed. You have to repent those sins before you can get rid of those demons in your life.

It is important to remember that you do not have to live in bondage. If you feel there are certain areas in your life where you are in bondage, go speak to someone at your church. Also make sure that you speak to people that really have a relationship with God. Not all people claiming to be able to deliver you, has the Holy Spirit in them.

Under Attack!!!

I have learnt in the last year what my authority in God means. As a result I have come too realised that Satan is very real and busy with a full scale war at the moment. I have also learnt just exactly how clever Satan is. Unfortunately a lot of Christians either don’t realise this war is going on around them or don’t think it is necessary to take part in this war. Through clever manipulation Satan has made us believe that if we ignore him, he will not bother us. LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are constantly under attack, especially our children. The sad thing about it is that in most cases we have given Satan the right to operate in our lives without even knowing it. There are books about the occult for sale everywhere, our TV programs, video games and movies are saturated with the occult and even our schools are under attack with New Age teachings. Society has made most of these things normal and acceptable. Bloodline curses are busy destroying our families and because of the continued sins committed because of these bloodline curses it will continue to destroy our families. Society is busy falling apart and we don’t even know it, because Satan got it right to lower our standards and make us accept a standard of living far below what God intended for us.

So in what way are we being infiltrated? Let’s look at the basic stuff. Pokémon and Harry Potter for starters. It begins as “fun entertainment” and leads to anything but fun. We have watched it and our children are watching and playing it.

So what is wrong with Pokémon? The whole concept of Pokémon is based on clairvoyance, to call on spirits, to engage in magick and mind control, which is the introduction to more dangerous stuff.

Leviticus 20:27 A man or woman who is a medium and has a familiar spirit or is a wizard, shall surely be put to death.

Pokémon is short for “pocket monster” and get carried with you where ever you go. Every Pokémon has a unique magical power that can grow and become stronger. As long as the player has Pokémon power they “will be able to do anything”. The child becomes the master. The child learns to accept unthinkable behaviour as normal. If you cheat with a Gameshark you can for instance catch a Mew. Another monster, Gengar, has the power to curse a Pokémon-player. So not only does it teach our children to cheat, but also that you can curse someone with the help of magick. The game also encourages gambling. Pokémon has a lot of New Age and occult characteristics. The theme of Pokémon is “to get everybody”. This can lead to obsessive compulsive behaviour. These games manipulate the child’s feelings, thoughts and emotions, until the personality of the child changes. Already in many schools the game has been banned because of the problems it has caused. In Tokyo about 700 children started having convulsions, nausea and other symptoms while watching Pokémon on TV, some had to be hospitalised. TV Tokyo made it compulsory to have a safety warning during the screening of any future Pokémon episodes.

What about Harry Potter? The whole story centres on witchcraft. It emphasises personal power, but it is personal power away from God. 1 Tim 4:1 warns us about deluding spirits. Why is Harry Potter so dangerous? In the first place it normalises the occult. It introduces people and children to magick and Wicca (a modern pagan witchcraft religion).

Deuteronomy 18:10-12 There shall not be found among you any anyone who makes his son or daughter pass through the fire, or who uses divination, or is a soothsayer, or an augur, or a sorcerer, 11Or a charmer, or a medium, or a wizard, or a necromancer 12For all who do these things are an abomination to the Lord.

I think that says it all!!!

Then there is Dungeons and Dragons, a fantasy game. Players get taught how to curse people and how to interact with demons. The producers of Dungeons and Dragons have acknowledged that the game is full of magick.  There are many other things Satan is using to corrupt our children such as Quija Bord, Magic: The Gathering, heavy metal and rock music (Black Sabbath, Metallica, Marilyn Manson) with definite occult teachings in there lyrics, TV programs such as Bewitched, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Sabrina and so the list goes on and on. All things we accept and even love in today’s society. I used to go to a Punk/metal club and yes the people do not wear black to these clubs for no reason. The whole atmosphere in clubs like that is one of DARKNESS. The first couple of times it freaked me out and then I became one of the regulars. Just like that it became normal. We used to say just because we wear black doesn’t mean we are Satanist, but we didn’t know that we were playing with fire.

How do you know that your child is playing with fire:

Here are some warning signs:

·         Aggressive behaviour

·         Radical change in clothing, black/dark make-up, black clothes

·         Reading of occult material

·         Listen to heavy metal/occult groups

·         Locking their rooms when they are not at home

Please remember that as their parent you have the fullest right to interfere in their lives. As long as they live under your roof, your rules go. If you suspect something, INVESTIGATE, it may just safe your child’s life. If necessary force your child to get rid of everything that has to do with the occult. Another lie Satan is telling parents is that our children have rights. Yes they have the right to be loved, to be safe and to be children. They DO NOT have the right to destroy their lives by getting involved with the occult. It is our jobs as parents to make sure our children survive the onslaught of Satan. Parents DO NOT BE AFRAID!

1 JOHN 4:4 ……..He who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.

Once a cheater, always a cheater???

I have always been open to reconciliation with my ex, despite what anyone said. I have always believed that we loved each other for 20 years and for that reason alone we can make our marriage work. After I found out about his affair, he said he wanted to make our marriage work. He told me he broke contact with his mistress and wanted to safe our marriage. A month later I by accident came across emails they were writing to each other. I accused him of not been sorry about the affair, but being sorry that he got caught. The last year I had numerous occasions where he would say one thing to me and another to his mistress. If he really wanted his family back, why wasn’t he making more of an effort? It got me to thinking if this was really the first time he cheated.

Just after we moved in together, he decided to go on boy’s nights every Wednesday. I was very upset about it, because I felt we were a unit now and there shouldn’t be any reason why I can’t go with him. The occasional night out with his friends I didn’t mind, but once a week? Most nights he would come home in the early morning hours and once he came home just before lunch the next day, having some excuse about his bike that broke down. It didn’t add up, because I went looking for him, expecting to find him lying in a ditch somewhere. His friends told me he left the previous night before midnight. I didn’t want to believe that he was lying so I left it at that. Then there were phone calls from woman inviting him to parties in the middle of the night, phone calls from woman telling me he is with another woman, love letters written to him by woman, ear rings (even while he was cheating on me with his current mistress and it was definitely not hers, way to cheap) and handbags I found in our car and once I came home unexpectedly and found him and a friend coming down from our bedroom.

He always loved the attention he got from women and there were a lot of them. They were always all over him. I once told him he shouldn’t be so friendly to women who made it obvious how they felt about him, but of course he told me that was the way he is with everyone. He always had an excuse and when I questioned him, he would accuse me of being jealous, to the point that I felt I was wrong for doubting him. He would turn it around saying that I was suspicious because I was hiding something. He would “lose” money, once over a R1000, another time R900 disappeared out of a locked box. He said he thought it was one of his friends, but of course we had no proof. Then there were the internet and adult movies. There were porn all over the house and at one point he started mentioning swapping partners with another couple and having a threesome. I was totally against it, so he eventually stopped talking about it. He admitted to meeting his ex, secretly several years after it happened. I caught him once having secret telephone conversations with a girl he met when he went to visit his family alone. (He would often go visit his family alone, saying he needed to get away.) After he promised to stop it, I caught him lying about it again. He then admitted he took his wedding ring off because they all wanted to go out and her father was a pastor and would not have allowed her to go out with them if he knew he was married. Then just before we moved back to the Cape something huge happened to someone we really cared about. He told me about it, but for some reason he couldn’t tell the person it affected the most, putting that person’s health in danger. I could not understand why, but thinking about it, I think he was right there in the middle of it. If he told this person about it he would have run the risk of being exposed himself. It all makes sense now.

When I found out about the affair, he showed very little remorse, instead accusing me of not listening to him when he tried to talk to me, saying it was my fault that he cheated. I can remember several times that we talked and came to some sort of a solution, only to be back to the same old stuff a week later. Him telling me that if I won’t change why should he. I probably should have seen the signs then, but I just couldn’t face having a cheater as a husband. One of the articles said if you suspect your partner cheating, he probably is and I cannot tell you how often I felt suspicious.

As I have always considered reconciliation a possibility, it made me wonder if it was such a good idea. I started wondering if the saying “Once a cheater always a cheater” was true, so I went to the good old net. On most of the forums/boards people agreed that once a cheater always a cheater. Some would agree, but will admit that some cheaters can change, but then something drastic has to happen or they must really want to change. The only people that felt the statement was completely false were admitted cheaters.

That was fine, but I wanted to know what professionals said about it and guess what I couldn’t find all that many articles about it, but what I did find was basically the same as what the people on the boards and forums said.

Here’s what some of the few articles I found said about cheaters:

Cheaters cheat for different reasons, but is comes down to the fact that they are motivated by their own needs, doing what they want with little concern for the people they hurt. They may genuinely care about their partner, but their own needs and desires always come first. They are selfish people who want it all and they do not care about the cost.  They will usually blame their partner, their relationship, the person they cheated with or the circumstances surrounding the affair, but never themselves. They know what they are doing is wrong, but they CHOOSE to betray the trust of another person. Cheating is not only SELFISH BUT CRUEL AS WELL.  If cheating is a coping mechanism, cheaters can change but not without therapy of some sort. If they don’t want counselling, chances are they will cheat again. (about.com – Mike Hardcastle)

In another article it says that you have to determine why a person cheats. According to this article there might be a genetic component to cheating; a spouse’s level of attractiveness, risk taking nature and sexual desire - can make it difficult to change. Once again the writer suggest that unless the cheater is serious about stopping and are willing to receive some form of counselling, chances are he /she will do it again.  In a survey that was done out of 35634 men that were questioned 59% admitted that they cheated more than once on their partners.  Here some of the signs of cheating:

·         Excessive showering – yes

·         Suddenly can’t reach your spouse on the phone at certain times of the day – yes

·         Finding an excuse not to share your bed – yes

·         Very protective and secretive re his phone – yes

·         Getting text messages and phone calls all the time – yes

·         Finding excuses to go out without you – yes

·         Starting to take extra care of himself – yes

·         Locking his car, in my case finding empty papers of pills he used during sex - yes

·         Agreeing to counselling and then suddenly becoming the perfect spouse – yes

(The truth about deception)

In yet another article I found, the following was said. Research have shown that about 22% of married then will cheat on their partners, even spouses who describe themselves as “happy” with their marriages will cheat. So how do you know you are dealing with a chronic cheater? Here are 5 signs that indicated your cheater is not a chronic case and there is hope for your marriage:

·         Your partner is truly remorseful – NO

·         Your partner cuts of contact with his lover – NO

·         The cheater shows a renewed appreciation and devotion towards you – NO

·         You wound up having deep, open and honest discussions about your relationship – NO

·         Your partner agrees to counselling – NO

Some signs of cheating:

·         Working late - Yes

·         Suddenly taking trips you can’t go on – yes

·         New hobbies that don’t include you – Yes

·         Mysterious phone calls or SMS’s – Yes

·         Unexplained usage of money – Yes

·         More distant, angry or picky – Yes

(Psychology Today)

So what does all of this mean to me? Was my ex a chronic cheater or not? Looking back over the last 20 years I am sad to say that too many times I have seen some or all of these signs. Does it mean just because I couldn’t prove anything he didn’t cheat. I think it’s safe to say no. After reading these articles I experienced such a rage at the way in which he betrayed my love and trust for him.  More than that, I was angry with myself. Not only did I allow this man to walk all over my self-respect, but I put my health at risk. I have to small children and I could have ended up with AIDS.

Last night I sat with my children and once again I was faced with their need for us to be together again. I had to make the decision of whether I would risk him cheating on me again if things should somehow work out for us and to be honest I know I don’t want to do that to myself again. My children do not need a cheater as an example in their lives. Not only is he teaching them no respect for their partners, but his also teaching them it’s ok to have no self-control.
So sadly I suppose I got my answer. We were together for 20 years and married for 18 years. After I discovered his affair I changed that 18 to 16 because I didn’t count the two years he was unfaithful to me, now I wonder if I could even make that I year? I suppose there’s no one as blind as he who doesn’t want to see.

At the end of the day I have the consolation that even thought he walked all over my heart and used me, I am the one that walks out of this marriage with my self-respect and integrity intact.

I SUPPOSE I DESERVE THIS ONE!!!!!!!

Why bother at all?

I have been trying to warn my ex about where he’s heading since the day he moved out. My friends and family will want to crucify me for this and I understand why. What the hell let him fry? For everything he has put me and my kids through and every negative emotion my kids might still suffer he deserves everything that’s coming his way. Yes he does deserve everything that's coming his way. At the same time I do believe, that deep down inside him, he is still the same man I fell in love with. It is like a drug addict, you can blame him for starting to experiment with drugs, but once he's hooked he really have very little control. The same goes for my ex. I blame him for putting his family in such a bad position, but now he's hooked and I realised just like an addict he really don't have all that much control over what is happening. Dr W Hayley (Marriage Builders) actually compares an affair, with an addiction and treats it as such.

When I started writing this blog I would have agreed and let him fry, but I’m not the same person any more. A friend said to me the other day, not knowing that I wrote a blog about the consequences of adultery, to go and read up about how serious the consequences of adultery are. Just after I found out about his affair, I came upon scriptures in the Bible about the consequences of adultery that made my hair stood up and that was at a time when I didn’t even understood exactly what it meant.  So much has changed in my life since then. At one stage I prayed that God would give me the same love for him, I have for other people. There was a time that I just couldn’t love him like God wanted me to love him. The hate and bitterness I felt was just too much, but God dealt with those feelings. Now he is just the father of my children and the man and friend I loved for 20 years, not the man that betrayed and abandoned me. Well most of the time I feel like that these days. In a way I feel sorry for him. He was a man with such strong principles, yes maybe he wasn’t always the provider I wanted him to be and yes maybe he didn’t always fulfil my emotional needs, but I loved him and was proud of him just the way he was. I knew what I got into when I married him and I was ok with it. It wasn’t always easy, but then I wasn’t perfect either.

My point is, he is still the father of my children. He might not agree with this, but he had a good life. He had a wife that loved him and would have done anything for him, children that adored him, good friends and family that were always there, doesn’t matter how they personally felt about some of the stuff he did. He had already threw away and destroyed 20years of his life; I would hate to see him destroy the next 10. That would be 30 years of his life wasted, numerous relationships wrecked and on top of all that, the emotional hell he will be going through. I have told him before that eventually he will still have to face himself and at this rate he will be completely alone when those emotions eventually erupt. From what I have read about the affects an affair and divorce have on kids and from what I have seen happening with the children of friends, he will be very lucky if his kids still care at that point.

I understand now how Satan used our soft spots and weaknesses to pull us apart. How he used other people to come between us. Yes I am sad I did not know all of these things 3 years ago. I would have still had my husband and my kids their father, but it is too late now for me to fight that battle, but it’s not too late for him to fight the battle. The only problem is he doesn’t know how to recognise the enemy. Or that is what I think, looking at his life. He is still so blinded that he doesn’t want to hear that he can still get out of this mess relatively intact. It is so sad that the longer he fights this, the more destroyed he will be at the end. I came upon photos of him taken in Jan 2012 and one taken about 6 months later and I was shocked. Photos don’t lie. He aged 5 years in 6 months. He tries to convince me and himself of how happy he is, but the light is gone from his eyes. I know, I saw that light so many times there and now it is gone. Sometimes I think he had convinced himself he deserves to suffer for the rest of his life and that is why he doesn’t do anything. Knowing him that is so like him to punish himself for what he did. There is also of course the fact that I believe he is caught up in such a strong bondage that he just don’t know how to break.  He is like a piece of driftwood, just floating along, hoping that there won’t be a waterfall around the next bend where he would fall to his end. Or maybe he does? Who knows? He is a closed book, only showing the true him when he feels safe and nowadays that is not very often.

In Church yesterday our pastor said that after a prayer session he feels the warrior against Satan stand up inside off him and that is how I have been starting to feel lately. The other night a christen band leader said that we should stop worrying about what people will say and start telling people about God. Once again Satan is using fear, fear of rejection, to shut Christians all over the world up. I don’t want to be one of those Christians that shuts up, I can’t keep quiet any more about all the things God has done for me in the last year. My doctor is worried that I might have what he calls “hidden depression”, because it apparently happens to people that went through what I did. I don’t feel depressed, but I thought maybe I should go on medication just in case. Then yesterday while we were praising God with our songs I realised I don’t need anti-depressants. God is my anti-depressant. Thanks to Jesus in me it continually feels like there is a light shining inside of me, that wants to break free. Telling people about God is something He wants us to do and He promised us that He will give us everything we need in order to do it. My ex is just one of the people I want to tell about God. My friends and family are worried about how it will affect me emotionally, but I am not. God also promised to protect my heart and my feelings.

In our church we do not believe in woman counselling a man and vice versa and I fully agree. I also won’t want to counsel him. I guess I just want him to also know how powerful the God he says he believes in, are. I would like him to see God the way I have come to see Him, as true and faithful, as a Healer and Provider, Friend and Confidant, always there to guide, support and carry you. My life has changed so much since I truly made an effort to have a relationship with God and it saddens me to see someone so important to my kids, miss the opportunities God is providing. However I have learnt that it doesn’t matter how much you want to help and do good to someone, most of the time you need someone on the other end that wants to be helped. So what is the solution? There is only one solution and that is to leave it in God’s hands. I know God loves my ex and wants Him to become part of His family; that is the only way God can take care of him. I can try and tell him about God, but God will do the saving. I can only pray and bind the works of Satan in his life. It is almost like a paramedic on an accident scene. You do what you can for your patient preparing him for the doctor waiting at the hospital and after that it is out of your hands and in the hands of the doctor. The difference is that as critically injured patients we don’t really have a choice in what happens to us after the accident and there is no guarantee that we will see the light of day again. As wounded people we do have a choice in what happens to us and if you choose the right Doctor, not only will you be saved, but your life will be filled to the brink with all the good things God has in store for you. I can only pray that all the knocking of God at the door of his heart, will someday be heard over the drumming of Satan in his mind.

Yes I have to bother, because he is one of the people Gods want to have with Him in heaven one day and if I want to call myself a disciple then I have to share my knowledge of God with him doesn’t matter what people say or think about my motives.

Why Affair Marriages Fail!

My ex’s mistress is throwing the fact that they are going to get married in my face whenever she gets the chance. She is continually telling me how happy they are and how secure she feels in his love, almost as if she’s trying to convince herself. Now the Bible says that you should try and reconcile, so obviously if they do get married the chances of reconciliation is gone. At this stage I know it is unbiblical of me, but I would not want to remarry my ex based on the fact that he so obviously is not at the same place I am when it comes to his relationship with God, this besides all the other reasons I have. This I based purely on what I am seeing is happening in his life. I do believe he believes in God, but he has not put his faith in God.

Marriage to his mistress I believe will be a huge mistake. Not only do I know what was said between me and him, but I have also told him from the start that you cannot make a success of a relationship that started out with lies and deceit as the basis. Then there are the sayings “you cannot build your happiness on someone else’s unhappiness”, “what you sow you will reap” and some people will bring Carma into this equation. There apparently is a saying that "the person you are with during the divorce will most likely not be the one you are with afterwards”. Most of my friends and sadly there are a lot of them, whose husband/wives had an affair, either never did marry their affair partner or if they did, are on the brink of a second divorce. However that is mine and some other peoples personally feelings, so I went to look at what the statistics say about the chances of marriage to your affair partner lasting.

According to statistics only 3% of men will marry their affair partner. Those who did suffered a 75% divorce rate. Shocking if you consider what they had to give up, eventually ending up in the same position – getting a second divorce. Statistics show that second marriages overall has a higher failure rate than first marriages, 15% within the first 3 years and 25% after 5 years. Makes one wonder if it is really worth it?

According to research I did, here are the most common reasons why affair marriages fail:

During the affair the affair partners are in an intense state of stimulating unreality. The whole affair is based on a fantasy. The second marriage itself is the switch that highlights the mess that has accumulated. Only after the marriage does the divorce become a reality. Only then the people involved, sees what a horrible mistakes they have made. They were so caught up in their fantasy that the reality of what they were doing escaped them.

People that are involved in wrecking a marriage often don’t feel any guilt during the affair and divorce, so the guilt that hits them after the marriage often comes as a total and complete surprise, leading to tension in the new marriage.

Divorces are expensive both emotionally and financially. It will often lead to exhaustion and depression. It is often the case that the one partner will feel this exhaustion more acutely than the other, leading to tension when the one partner does not fully appreciate what it cost the other to get divorced.

Statistics show that people in their forties and older getting remarried will often have emotional, financial and practical difficulties due to the involvement of an ex-partner and children. Where there are children involved the ex-partners essentially stays a co-parenting couple for life. This means out of necessity they stay in a relationship with their ex-partner, which often causes tension in the new relationship. Also often as the children gets older they become resentful towards the new partner, especially if he/she was involved in breaking up their parent’s marriage. Financial concerns re children can also become a point of tension in a new marriage.

If an ex-spouse harbours anger towards her/his ex-partner, particularly if there was infidelity and betrayal involved, this anger can easily extend towards the new marriage causing tension and anxiety e.g. an unfaithful husband/wife may feel guilty at betraying his/her ex-partner which the new partner will pick up on, in return feeling betrayed by her new husbands loyalties.

Generally people feel that anything that cost them emotionally as much as a divorced did, better be worth it. The bigger the sacrifice the bigger the expectation. I remember my ex saying to me just after he moved out that she will pay for what he had to give up. They believe that the marriage will be just as perfect as the affair. Unfortunately they underestimate the reality of real life. They find out that their new marriage is not much different from the first one. They are the same people with the same coping mechanism as what they were in their first marriage.

During the affair and divorce the affair couple isolate themselves. They not only erase the betrayed spouse from their awareness, but also children, relatives and friends. The live in their own little private world, protected from the devastation they have created, safe from anyone who tries to pull them apart. Everyone is pointing fingers at them, which draws them together. They have only each other against all the judgemental people outside. Very often important relationships are damaged or destroyed because of the affair. After the marriage they long to reconnect with these people, only to find it’s not that easy. The hurt and disappointment they have caused will often hinder these relationships from being restored, making them feel very lonely.

Second marriages are often build on disappointment following infidelity and betrayal of the first marriage or built on guilt after cheating and abandoning the first spouse. The adulterer eventually has to face disappointment in himself and guilt for what he put his family through. This guilt often gets carried into the new relationship. The new partner will feel this guilt even if it does not show on the surface.

When the reality of the new marriage starts to become evident, one or both partner’s feelings often chances, making them fall “out of love”. They have based their relationship on their emotions, which will change as there circumstances changes and because they do not understand the physics of a relationship if will lead to the destruction of their second marriage as well. I have read the same in a book Neil T Anderson wrote and several people have said the same to me during counselling sessions I had. You cannot rely on your feeling of being “in love” when it comes to marriages. Feeling “in love” is an emotion and emotions will always change as your circumstances changes. Marriage is more than just two people falling in love.

During the affair and divorce the affair couple convinced each other it was the betrayed spouse’s fault. To acknowledge otherwise after the marriage would be a betrayal of the fantasies that fed the affair in the first place. Eventually you have to admit your part in the destruction of your marriage and you may find that you don’t like the truth of it.

Distrust of your new partner also will play a role. There is the fact that if he/she could do it to their former partner, they can do it to their new partner as well. There is often an unwillingness to commit to marriage and the partner will look for affair partners outside of marriage.

Also the fact that there is no shared history will cause problems often resulting in jealousy and insecurity when the past are being discussed. They do not want to hear about the good old days. This can often be very lonely and disheartening. They have to give up a huge part of their history and of who they are. If an affair wrecked the first marriage the history is one of embarrassment, guilt and pain. Not something they will want to bring up in conversation.

It is a pity that most people in affairs will refuse to look at these obstacles until it is too late. I have found this letter on the Marriage Builder website of Dr Willard Harley. It is of a woman who has become the “new wife”. In my opinion it says it all.

 “My perspective is from that of the other woman (OW) who became the new wife. I hope this helps someone.

You will get to be responsible for destroying the life of another woman. You will get to be responsible for destroying the lives of all children involved. No, children are not resilient. They are sponges and take in everything around them whether they are capable of processing it or not. And when they are not able to process their world being shattered and all the conflicting messages about right and wrong, you will get to deal with all their issues and mistakes and anger as they grow up. You will have to know all the while that whatever is happening is a direct result of your selfishness. If the child fails at school, can’t control their anger, becomes promiscuous, falls into addictions, can’t maintain good relationships of their own you get to know in the back of your mind and deep in your soul that you are responsible for what molded that child. Whether you admit it or not, you WILL know. You will not be able to fix this; it will not work out, smooth over, or ever be okay. Even if you look like the Cleavers on the surface it is under there bubbling and will come out. Don’t think you are special and you will escape this result.

Maybe right now you are in a place where you are in deep denial about the children and you don’t give a crap about the BW [betrayed wife]. Let me appeal to your sense of selfishness then and tell you what you personally are going to suffer in the years to come…

You are marrying a cheater. Someone who didn’t like what they had at home so they went looking for something better. Or maybe you offered him something better? It doesn’t really matter who started it, who lied more, it doesn’t even really matter if you were tricked into a relationship not knowing he was married at first. Your consequences will be the same. You now have a spouse who gave up one family and chose you and yours. Feels great right? Think again. How long do you think it will take before you stop feeling like a prize?

The minute things go wrong, and face it, in all marriages there are these times, he is going to be looking at you and wondering if you were worth it. And you will feel it. Even if he doesn’t say it right out. He is going to realize that this marriage requires just as much work as the old one did and you are not nearly as perfect in real life as he thought you were and he is going to be angry for what he has sacrificed for you. Now you get to be insecure and feel like you are always fighting to be worth it to him.

You are going to be labeled as the bitch for the entire rest of your life. No matter what changes or personal revelations you come to, you will be the bitch that wrecked a home and stole a husband. There will be innumerable family conflicts over this. You are likely to have his kids hating your guts forever. This means that every holiday, school concert, soccer game, big family event like graduations and weddings, and grandkids (yes, it will last that far and long) will be sources of conflict instead of happy times.

You will probably not be invited to a lot of things that your spouse should be attending with his children. You may show up anyway, asserting your position as the new wife. But it will be a conflict. You spouse will have to over and over choose between you and his original family. He is going to resent you for this. You are going to get so tired of constantly being the center of conflict and so tired of all the hate directed at you and no one is going to sympathize with you. When you do impose yourself where the BW and her children and extended family and friends are, you will feel the scarlet letter that you wear burning in your chest no matter how high you try to hold your head. I promise you…you will. You and your stolen spouse will fight over this more than you can imagine in the years to come.

And guess what?! When he starts to pull away from you and works late more, or isn’t insatiable in bed with you anymore, or cuts his hair a new way you are going to be terrified. You are going to be terrified because you know exactly what he might be doing next. You are going to be suspicious probably before he actually even does anything because you already know he is untrustworthy.

Chances are he is going to cheat again too. Except this time on you. Now, you get to feel the pain of being a BW doubled by the pain of realizing exactly what you did to someone else. The guilt and shame on top of your already devastating pain from being cheated on will be unbearable. Now listen to this closely NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE!! You are going to hear and know that you should have known better and have the old adages about cheaters thrown in your face over and over. You will not be able to come somewhere like these boards for support because they are going to crucify you! You will be all alone with your pain and your heartache with no one to blame but yourself.

Do not think you are special. DO NOT THINK IT WON’T HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!!!!!!! The stats are overwhelmingly high. No one gets married thinking that their spouse will cheat. No one. I promise that you are not different or better somehow.

Occasionally an affair partner will grow a conscience and want to be a good person and here is what happens…

Now, let’s say that you make changes in your heart and your life. Let say you find God or in whatever way it comes to you, you realize that you have done something horrendous. Okay, now you actually do care about those kids and that BW. Well too bad. You can’t fix it. Yes, God will forgive you if you repent. Not many others will. And you will have one heck of a time trying to forgive yourself. You will feel sick and ashamed all the time. You will cry many bitter tears.

You will not be able to look at your spouse and feel the same way you once did. All of your memories of when you first met, your first kiss, the early days of your relationship will be tainted. All of those memories that are supposed to be sweet will be sour. You will not be able to enjoy them because you know that whole time it was wrong, wrong, wrong! What are you left with? Not much.

You are going to try to offer apologies, you are going to try to figure out what you can possibly do to make amends and there are going to be no easy answers. You will be told by many that you can’t repent and stay married. You will be told by just as many that if God has forgiven you that another divorce would be just another sin. You will make yourself crazy over this because you want to do the right thing for once in your life and you have put yourself in a situation where it is impossible to know what that is.

Also, if you are one of the few who have this attack of conscience at some point down the road, you are still going to be dealing with all the same stuff above that the unremorseful affair partner is dealing with except it’s probably going to hurt you even more because you now genuinely care. Too bad no one will think you are sincere or trust your words. Why should they, remember what you did?? Of course you do, now go cry some more as if it will help.

There are no time machines people!! You are making a mess bigger than you can ever clean up!!…”

30/10/14 

This is a follow-up on the last 2 years since this article has been written. All I can say is, God is AWESOME! Yes it wasn't always easy, but slowly God led me to understand why my marriage failed. Not only did I get to know myself again, but I also healed from all the things that made me become the person that allowed my marriage to fall apart. I am not naive anymore. I can see the forces working in this world clearly now and I know how to protect my kids and myself from them. Yes I am talking about demonic forces - out to destroy all authority structures of which my marriage was one.

I mention this because I constantly get replies from people advising me to use some kind of witch doctor to put a spell on my husband to force him to come back and yes your husbands did come back, but at what cost? Don't you people understand you cannot mess around with a person's will like that. If God the Creator of All WON'T do it, what gives you the right to do it?

Let me tell you what you are getting back.
1. You just invited a demon into your life.
2. You have put a plaster over a very infected marriage - you really think that whatever it was that caused your marriage to break down, is just magically going to disappear. NO! It will fester until 5 years from now it will be so infected that it might very well kill your marriage as well as destroy everybody that are involved.
3. You really think your partner will appreciate being manipulated. Trust me they will find out, because destruction is what satan does. You just gave him the means to do it, once he cannot use you to help destroy others any longer.

Let me tell you the only way to deal with your wayward spouse.

1. First you seek God because He is your only Source.

2. Second you repent of your sins and you accept the salvation He is giving to you for FREE. No money involved.
3. Then you start walking with God, you get to know Him, you talk to Him, you let Him guide you and you start praying. Relationship, NOT religion!!!!!

The result: A healed woman, who for the first time in my life is starting to walk in the victory that Jesus won for me when He gave His life on the Cross.
Now you will say: But you still don't have your husband back. No I don't, but what I found is so much better than the distorted, dysfunctional marriage I had. I can now look at my past life and realise just how much I have missed NOT knowing God. It is not something you can really describe, but something you can only really experience. Nothing in this world will persuade me to let go of what I have now, for what I had 2 years ago. Absolutely nothing! If my marriage gets renewed (which by the way solely depends on the decisions/choices my ex makes with the chances he will be given) it will be a bonus, but if my ex chose not to do what is godly and take up his role as head of his family, I will still be fine. My kids will also be fine, because they have a perfect heavenly Father who will bring them through this just as healed as He did me. You see the watered down, temporary happiness satan offers you, can never compare to the everlasting joy God offers.

So please no more replies giving me advise to go to a witch doctor. I will not follow it and I will not publish it!!!!! You are being deceived if you think you are helping people safe their marriages. You are actually helping someone who follows your advise, destroy their lives as well as how many others satan can get his hands on through the deal they made with him. You might as well have signed your name in BLOOD. Your blood!