OBEDIENCE

I was blessed with a car a week ago and I wondered why God is so good to me. I don’t deserve a thing and yet He blessed me with a car. Why? The Bible says that if you are obedient you will be blessed. I am convinced that this is in response to my obedience in a certain matter a while ago. Don't make a mistake. Not for a second do I think I deserved this because I was so good. No I just believe that this is God's way of looking after His children. To be a child of God you have to obey His Word. You see I almost got involved in a situation that could have put me right back where I was 3years ago and would have been in direct disobedience to God’s Word. I just wanted it so bad, but I knew it was not what God wanted me to do. Sure the lines were a bit blurred and if I wanted to I could have reasoned my way into it, but it still would not have been in line with God’s Word. I had to make a choice. Do I want to follow my natural instincts or go against everything I wanted to do and obey God's Word? I eventually knew I had to let go and allow God and I am so glad I made the right choice. Right choice not because God blessed me, but because it allowed me to keep my peace.

This morning I was in a similar situation. Our pastor has been talking to us a lot about giving our tithe every month. He wants us to give the money because we really get the revelation that 90% is more than a 100%. It is not our money in the first place, but God's money. He wants us to understand that God wants us to rely on Him and Him alone.

So this whole tithe thing has been bothering me for a while now. End of last year I tried it, but thinking back I think maybe I wasn't completely at the right place. I gave a tenth of my money and I entered a season of financial difficulty. I could have turned around and say well I tried it, but God didn't come through for me. Anyway not in the way I wanted to, but I didn't. I stuck it out, not paying my tithe but hanging on to my faith. Sometimes it was difficult to keep my faith, but I was determined not to allow my physical circumstances to rule me. Looking back God did come through for me. I got a better job. In the long run this job is more secure than what I had and it is with people that really know God. Doesn't matter how miserable I feel when I go to work, I always walk out there feeling better. How many people can say that about their job? Not one day did I go without that which I needed? So yes despite struggling financially I can honestly say that I have more than a lot of other people and more than I had a year ago.

So this morning I was sitting with my budget. I am soooo short this month. August was a real slow month for everybody. So looking at my budget this thought entered my mind out of nowhere: Pay your tithe. Naturally my first thought was: No I can't! Surely this can't be God asking me to do the impossible? Last Sunday's sermon was about our conscience. So needless to say I could not stop thinking about giving my tithe, but I tried to get out of it by telling myself I just can't. It's just not possible. I am already in the red. But at the same time I want to be obedient. Then I went to church and the first thing that happened is a lady got baptised. Before they baptised her she said that she went through hell this year, but she wants to encourage us to keep the faith and just keep on walking through the storm. Then came the sermon. What does it mean to trust God? Do you trust Him after you have made the sums or do you trust Him even if it doesn't make sense. The scripture was Num 13 and 14. The men just came back from scouting the promised land and only Joshua and Caleb believed the Israelites could take it. The rest of the men said no the giants were too big. God said the land is theirs, but the men said the giants were to big. They didn't trust God and therefore did not obey. The result was that they did not go into God's rest. Instead they lived the rest of their days in the desert. In Heb 4:6-7 Paulus said God gave us another chance to come into His rest and that day is today. There is a difference between our reality and the reality of God's Word. We must determine what is real to us and what is real according to God's Word.

Wow did that stopped me in my tracks. Was this God confirming that what I heard earlier today came from Him. Do I have it in me to take the leap, because that was exactly what I would have to do. Leap! 

After the sermon I spoke to someone I trust and she told me that God wants us to trust Him enough to put our finances in His hands. She said that things will probably get worse before it gets better, but I must persevere and trust that God will bring me through this. He promised to provide and I have decided to take Him on his Word. My reality says it's impossible, I can never make it through this month. Paying my tithe will put me in a double red. God's reality is that through the power of Christ in me I can do anything.

When I got home I put myself in a double red for this month. I sat outside this afternoon and I could not help but notice how at peace I felt. Even the atmosphere in my house changed. My kids did things tonight they have never done before. It's almost as if my obedience rubbed off on them. I can be scared, but I refuse to worry about this month. God will provide in whichever way He sees fit and that is enough for me and my children. I will look back on this in a years’ time and I know that I know that I will go down on my knees and praise God for the awesome God that He is. I also know that I know I will have an awesome testimony. People in our town is starting to come into line with God's will and already we are starting to see God's awesome hand in the way things are starting to change in our town. I am so excited and I have so much hope for the future. 

Watch this space. Awesome things are about to happen and I want to be right there in the middle of it. I can't explain it because there is no logic behind it, but then God is not a God of logic, but a God of faith.

PS: I never got to publish this blog and maybe I know now why. It is the end of the month and probably the worse salary I ever had to work with. 3 Days remain and I feel like I have had more this month than I ever should have had.  I also have a 1/10^th of my salary left in my purse. Incredible, but then God is more than incredible.

YOU CAN SURVIVE DIVORCE!

On 27 September 2012, an unknown judge in an unseen court room dissolved my marriage of almost 19 years and a friendship of almost 21 years. A couple of signatures and an official stamp or two and my husband walked away from his responsibilities as a husband and father as if they were never there. Incredible that an event that took almost a year to plan and almost a day to realise, took probably no more than 10 minutes to be made null in void.

That is unfortunately the reality for so many people and children today. Only 30% of the children at my son's school are growing up with both their parents in one house. Then we wonder why our society is so sick?

I never wanted this for my children, but at the same time I am so thankful for how my life has changed since my divorce. At the moment the reality hits home I am sure no one can imagine any good coming from a divorce, but trust me there's a lot of good that can come out of a divorce. Depending on your attitude a lot of bad can also come from a divorce and then I am sorry but you will end up a bitter and angry person. You can crawl out of that hole of initial anger, betrayal, bitterness and depression or you can sink deeper into it. The one way leads to freedom and the other to a prison of your emotions and circumstances. A long time ago someone told me emotions are good, it's what you do with it that is bad.

So you see it all depends on how you deal and if you deal with the negative feelings of a divorce. It's not easy but everyday gets better, until one day you get up and realise the fight with your emotions are over. You get up and for the first time in forever you hear the birds singing outside, the sun seems to be shining brighter, there's a spring in your step and a song in your heart and you realise you are free. Free from the hurt, depression, anger, bitterness and fear. You look at yourself in the mirror and your eyes are shining, your hair has seen the inside of a salon again and you realise you are your old self again. Not the same person who stood in front of the pastor so many years ago, also not the person who lost herself in her marriage, but a different you. A you with more confidence and a path with more direction ahead of you. For the first time in forever you feel like you know yourself and are your own boss again. 

Healing comes in stages and with every stage, you close the door on a part of those negative feelings and open the door, sometimes hesitantly, on a part of you, you have forgotten about. It's a journey full of ups and downs, but a journey never the less worth travelling, if life gives you no other choice.

I hear of so many people being forced to travel the road of divorce who never quite make it to the end. They get stuck in an emotional pit of hate, bitterness and un-forgiveness, never really able to let go of the past hurts. My heart goes out to these people, but in the end you can and must look at yourself for the answers. If you allow the hurt and disappointment to harden your heart it will not end well for you. You will be stuck in a life full of negatives. For every step you go forward you will eventually take two backwards. 

Revenge is such an ugly thing but I think for most people who have been forced into a divorce, it is the one thing you want to have. I wanted it too, but I realised it will drive me crazy. As much as I wanted to see my ex suffer for what he did to me and my kids, I also had to accept the fact that I may never see him pay for what he did. The Bible tells us that revenge is for God and you know what? It is the truth. Wanting revenge will destroy you in the end. It eats at you until it consumes your whole being. With it comes bitterness and a bitter person cannot forgive. If I learnt anything in the last 3 years, it is to forgive quickly. Yes to forgive someone, means to choose to live with the consequences of what another person did to you, but is also means freedom from what was done to you. You might not have had a choice in your divorce, but you do have a choice not to allow your divorce to ruin the rest of your and your children's lives.

You want to get through a divorce; accept that you cannot force someone else's will. Make the choice to forgive. Surround yourself with true friends. Listen to good advice and get rid of the bad ones. Look after yourself. Take time out. Accept that change is inevitable and learn to embrace it. Allow yourself to cry, but do not allow self-pity. Un-complicate your life. Less is more. Get to know yourself. Learn to love yourself again. Help someone less fortunate. Learn to listen more and talk less. Be thankful. Learn to enjoy your own company. Start a hobby. Learn to ask for help. Do not isolate yourself. Take life one day at a time. When you fail do not condemn yourself, instead get up and try again. If there are children involved, just be their mother/father. Don't try and be both. Keep a diary and always be honest with yourself.

Last but not the least; make the effort to get to know God. You will probably survive without God, but you won't live freely without God. God's principals are what keep me going in the right direction, His love is what sets me free and His care is what takes away my fears. His grace allows me to be His child and that is all I want to be. Whatever lies ahead I know that I will never ever be alone again. No problem is too big or small for God and with that knowledge I can get up every day and smile no matter what my circumstances are. For sure I have felt like giving up, but the knowledge that God is with me have always pulled me out of whatever situation I have found myself to be in.

God is love and when you allow His Spirit in you, you learn to love again. Forgiving becomes easy.  Fear of the unknown gets less and less the more you put your trust in God. Your life stabilises. The ground under your feet becomes solid Rock instead of shifting sand. Your emotions don't rule you anymore. You learn that no matter what, you will get through it because God is in control and He loves you and will never let you slip out of His Hands.  Even now when I want to panic I remind myself that God is in control and He always stills my fears. He gives me a peace and tranquillity that nothing and no one else can give me and in a world full of chaos He is my only true Anchor.

It is only when you get stretched that you get to know how flexible you really are. It is only when you are weak that you get to know how powerful God is. I accept that God allowed my divorce to happen because I stepped out from under His protection of my own free will. Without my divorce I never would have come home to God. It is so easy to blame God for our mistakes and choices. So many times I hear people ask: “How can a good God allow such a bad thing to happen to me?” Yes I do believe God wanted to stop my divorce from happening, but I also know I did not want to see the warning signs He constantly showed me. In a sense it was like a parent who warned his child, but the child did not listen. We’ve all been there. So we allow our children to make mistakes and allow them to take responsibility for the consequences of those mistakes because we love them and want them to become balanced adults, but at the same time we never leave them, always keeping an eye on them. Why is it then so difficult for us to believe that God can and will allow us to take responsibility for the wrong choices we make? I learnt a very painful lesson, but at the same time I also learnt that God's Word is there for our protection.

At first I could not see the mistakes I made in my marriage. When I say mistakes I really mean how far I drifted from the principles of what God declared a marriage should be like. According to me it was all, my husband's fault. After all he did have an affair, but the more I got to know God's Word the more I realised that I wasn't blameless in my marriage. I wasn't aware of what I did because I did not know the Word of God, but ignorance is no excuse. You cannot blame the pole for walking into it, because you did not see it. If you step out from underneath the umbrella, it is your own fault if you get wet.  Just so you cannot blame God for your messed up marriage/life, because you did not know His principals. The more I get to know His Word, the more I understand why it is good. Also you cannot blame your spouse alone. No one is perfect. It takes two to tango. Instead of seeing your spouse’s faults, rather turn around and look at yourself. Your spouse will have to take responsibility for his/her own mistakes. You may not see it, but belief me he/she will.

Whether we like it or not, God is our parent. Just like things will go bad for a rebellious child, things will also go bad for rebellious children of God. When your spouse left you he/she rebelled against his/her Father. If you allow bitterness and un-forgiveness to come into your life as a result of your divorce you are also rebelling against your Father. In our physical world continued rebellion will eventually lead to prison. Just so continued spiritual rebellion will lead to spiritual prison. Speak to any prisoner who got to know and accept God as his Father and he will tell you that no physical bars can imprison his spirit. You do not have to allow divorce to become your prison. You may not have much hope now, but that is what God gives you. He gives hope and eventually healing and wholeness. 

I could have chosen to rebel against my circumstances, but thank God I didn't and today 3 long years later I can truly say I am healed, whole and free. Divorce might be the end of your marriage, but it could also be the beginning of a whole new life. It all depends on you!

OBEDIENCE

I was blessed with a car a week ago and I wondered why God is so good to me. I don’t deserve a thing and yet He blessed me with a car. Why? The Bible says that if you are obedient you will be blessed. I am convinced that this is in response to my obedience in a certain matter a while ago. Don't make a mistake. Not for a second do I think I deserved this because I was so good. No I just believe that this is God's way of looking after His children. To be a child of God you have to obey His Word. You see I almost got involved in a situation that could have put me right back where I was 3years ago and would have been in direct disobedience to God’s Word. I just wanted it so bad, but I knew it was not what God wanted me to do. Sure the lines were a bit obscured and if I wanted to I could have reasoned my way into it, but it still would not have been in line with God’s Word. I had to make a choice. Do I want to follow my natural instincts or go against everything I wanted to do and obey God's Word? I eventually knew I had to let go and allow God and I am so glad I made the right choice. Right choice not because God blessed me, but because it allowed me to keep my peace.

This morning I was in a similar situation. Our pastor has been talking to us a lot about giving our tithe every month. He wants us to give the money because we really get the revelation that 90% is more than a 100%. It is not our money in the first place, but God's money. He wants us to understand that God wants us to rely on Him and Him alone.

So this whole tithe thing has been bothering me for a while now. End of last year I tried it, but thinking back I think maybe I wasn't completely at the right place. I gave a tenth of my money and I entered a season of financial difficulty. I could have turned around and say well I tried it, but God didn't come through for me. Anyway not in the way I wanted to, but I didn't. I stuck it out. Sometimes it was difficult to keep my faith, but I was determined not to allow my physical circumstances to rule me. Looking back God did come through for me.  I got a better job. In the long run this job is more secure than what I had and it is with people that really know God. Doesn't matter how miserable I feel when I go to work, I always walk out there feeling better. How many people can say that about their job? Not one day did I go without that which I needed? So yes despite struggling financially I can honestly say that I have more than a lot of other people and more than I had a year ago.

So this morning I was sitting with my budget. I am soooo short this month. August was a real slow month for everybody. So looking at my budget this thought entered my mind out of nowhere: Pay your tithe. Naturally my first thought was: No I can't! Surely this can't be God asking me to do the impossible? Last Sunday's sermon was about our conscience. So needless to say I could not stop thinking about giving my tithe, but I tried to get out of it by telling myself I just can't. It's just not possible. I am already in the red. But at the same time I want to be obedient. Then I went to church and the first thing that happened is a lady got baptised. Before they baptised her she said that she went through hell this year, but she wants to encourage us to keep the faith and just keep on walking through the storm. Then came the sermon. What does it mean to trust God? Do you trust Him after you have made the sums or do you trust Him even if it doesn't make sense. The scripture was Num 13 and 14. The men just came back from scouting the promised land and only Joshua and Caleb believed the Israelites could take it. The rest of the men said no the giants were too big. God said the land is theirs, but the men said the giants were to big. They didn't trust God and therefore did not obey. The result was that they did not go into God's rest. Instead they lived the rest of their days in the desert. In Heb 4:6-7 Paulus said God gave us another chance to come into His rest and that day is today. There is a difference between our reality and the reality of God's Word. We must determine what is real to us and what is real according to God's Word.

Wow did that stopped me in my tracks. Was this God confirming that what I heard earlier today came from Him. Do I have it in me to take the leap, because that was exactly what I would have to do. Leap! 

After the sermon I spoke to someone I trust and she told me that God wants us to trust Him enough to put our finances in His hands. She said that things will probably get worse before it get better, but I must persevere and trust that God will bring me through this. He promised to provide and I have decided to take Him on his Word. My reality says it's impossible, I can never make it through this month. Paying my tithe will put me in a double red. God's reality is that through the power of Christ in me I can do anything.

When I got home I put myself in a double red for this month. I sat outside this afternoon and I could not help but notice how at peace I felt. Even the atmosphere in my house changed. My kids did things tonight they have never done before. It's almost as if my obedience rubbed off on them. I can be scared, but I refuse to worry about this month. God will provide in whichever way He sees fit and that is enough for me and my children. I will look back on this in a years’ time and I know that I know that I will go down on my knees and praise God for the awesome God that He is. I also know that I know I will have an awesome testimony. People in our town is starting to come into line with God's will and already we are starting to see God's awesome hand in the way things are starting to change in our town. I am so excited and I have so much hope for the future. 

Watch this space. Awesome things are about to happen and I want to be right there in the middle of it. I can't explain it because there is no logic behind it, but then God is not a God of logic, but a God of faith.

TO BE BLESSED

Last night while I was lying in bed with my daughter, waiting for her to fall asleep, it occurred to me just how truly blessed I was.

God blesses all of us in the rain that falls down, the sun that shines and all the things we enjoy in nature. However the Bible says that if you obey God, He will bless you. That is the kind of blessing I am talking about; personal blessings.

Looking back over the last 3 years, my life has been one blessing after the other. It started just after I gave my heart to God, even before I learnt what it meant to be obedient. In the first 6 months after my husband moved out, I managed to keep the roof over our heads and food on our table, despite the fact that for 4 of the first 6 months I did not earn a sent, except for the R 2000 I received from my husband towards child maintenance. Considering that my rent was almost R4000 alone, it was a miracle that we did not end up on the street. However God knew what I needed and in His perfect grace He provided. In the 3 years that followed not once did I not have what I needed?  Talking to a friend the other day we marvelled at the fact, that the figures didn't add up and still we survived. But it's more than just surviving. I am happy and at peace, despite sometimes having to face really difficult circumstances. It is all God! He brought all the people I needed into my life at the right time. Not only did He bring them into my life, but He made it possible for them to bless me. 

Every single person that played a role in my life after my divorce, God brought into my life for a specific purpose. I could not see it then, but now I can. All of them were blessed in some way and in return they blessed me in whichever way I needed at the time. It wasn't just the financial support they gave me, but the emotional support I received, that made these people so extra special. Never in my life have I been surrounded by so many people who really cared about me. They gave of their time and money to someone, who in some instances they hardly knew.

Last Friday I was told by people who I have known for just over 6 months that they want to bless me with a new car. Their reason: They want me to be safe on the roads and because they can and want to do it. How awesome is that! Yesterday I saw this verse in the Bible: 1 John 3:17 “If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion - how can God's love be in that person.” If ever this verse applies to someone, it applies to the couple who bought me that car. I have seen them go out of their way to help other people as well, not expecting anything in return. Looking at their lives I can see the quiet peace and joy that is part of who they are. It is a peace and joy that can only come from knowing God personally.

Not only am I blessed in that all my needs are taken care of, but God blessed me by changing my personality. Yes my personality! I used to be very impatient, stressed out, often angry and so the list goes on. This morning was a perfect example of how much I have been renewed. I was late getting the kids to school and then my son realised he forgot his PT clothes. I went home, not puffed up and irritated, like I so often would have been in the past, and got his clothes. When I started the car, the car's exhaust made this very weird sound. It sounded as if the whole thing was loose. In the past that would have been enough to spoil my whole day, but I have also find the quiet strength and peace that comes from having a relationship with God. Within the half hour before I had to leave for work, I dropped the clothes off and had the exhaust sorted out without paying a sent, which BTW I would not have been able to do because I had no money for extras. Not only did God smooth the pathway for me, but through His strength I manage to stay calm and not completely loose it. He went on to bless me even more. Things have been very slow this month at work, but today I treated more patients than any other day this month and when we got home this afternoon there was a peacefulness about the afternoon, unlike so many other afternoons when I have to run around making sure homework is done and preparing things for the next day. On top of that the insurance company phoned me, instead of me them saving me a lot of money, and by 16h00 this afternoon my car’s insurance was also sorted out. (PS: For all South Africans – OUTsurance rocks! Excellent service!) 

So a day that in the past would have been a total disaster because of how it started turned into a total blessing simply because I allowed God to be in control. I don't know where I am going to get the money to put the car on my name and to pay the insurance, but I do know that this car is a blessing from God and if He blessed me with it, He will blessed me with the money to do what I have to do in order to look after my blessing. I also know that He would want me to use it as a means to be a blessing to others as well. I don't know how yet, but I asked Him to show me what He wants me to do and I just know that this car has a part in what He is planning for me.

My point being: Never in all my life have I experienced the kind of peace I am experiencing now, despite situations that in the past would have driven me bonkers with stress and frustration. Never before have I experienced the joy in friendships like I do now. Never before have I found myself feeling so content just enjoying the quiet, as often as I do now. Never before have I seen and appreciated the small things in life, as I do now. Never before have I felt more blessed than I do now and never before have I wanted to bless others more than I do now.

I came from a totally broken and lost person to where I am now and I would never in a million years have thought it was possible to change so much in just 3 years. Not only did God change me as a person, but He also gave me a whole new perspective on life. A perspective that changed the way I look at things completely and allowed me to find peace in the knowledge that it’s not me, but Christ in me. Just imagine what I will look and feel like in another 10/20 years. It makes me excited about what lies ahead. They say never say never, but I want to say never ever will the future scare me again. I face it boldly, knowing that never again will I face it alone. I can't help it and I have no control over it, but my life just overflows with joy. The only control I have is in saying yes, yes, yes to Jesus Christ! 

I told my son tonight that if having this kind of joy and peace, means having to suffer while we are on earth, I will gladly give up any earthly pleasures for what will be mine one day, when life on this earth will be finished as we know it now. It will be worth every single sacrifice, if feeling the way I do now, is what lies ahead of me. The best part is that what I have now is only the smallest part of what is promised to me. Some of you might think I am crazy and a fool for feeling the way I do, but I azure you I am not. 3 Years ago I would have rolled my eyes at what I am writing now, but not anymore. I cannot deny what have happened to me and are still happening to me neither can I deny what I am feeling. 

The song “Rooftops” by Jesus Culture says it all. I have listened to this song a 1000 times and every time I want to cry, shout and dance. I have fallen head over heels in love with God. Don't worry I'm not a Bible pusher. God is a gentleman and he won't force anyone. When you accept Him, you do it because you want to and only then do you start to feel like dancing and singing. It’s like a drug accept you don’t feel empty when you come off it, you feel fuller. More complete. The addiction don’t lie in your need to get high again after you came of the drug, it lies in your need and recognition that the high do not depend on your physical circumstances. You do not have to smoke, drink or inject yourself, destroying your health and state of mind. All you have to do is empty yourself of you and fill yourself with the Holy Spirit. When people look at you, they won’t see a person defeated by life, but one experiencing life in all its abundance.

CS Lewis said it so well. He said that you can recognise the “new person” by the fact that he is stronger, quieter, happier and more radiant. They start where most people stop. They are recognisable, but you have to know what you are looking for. They don’t normally look like what the world would like you to think “religious people” look like. They don’t walk in the lime light. While you think you are being good to them, they are actually being good to you. They love you more than other people do, but they need you less. (We should get away from “wanting” to feel needed.) They also look like they have plenty of time and people will wonder where they get it from. He also says that he has a strong feeling that they will without a doubt recognise each other, across all borders of colour, race, sex, age and even religious traditions. It’s almost as if holiness allows you to belong to a secret organisation. To put it mildly it must be huge fun.

And boy! Is it fun!

ROOFTOPS

by

Jesus Culture

 

Here I am before You,

Falling in love and seeking Your truth.

Knowing that Your perfect grace,

Has brought me to this place.

Because of You I freely live,

My life to You oh God I give.

So I stand before You God,

I lift my voice cause You set me free.

 

So I shout out Your name,

From the rooftops I proclaim,

That I am Yours,

I am Yours.

 

All the good You’ve done for me,

I lift up my hands for all to see.

You’re the only one,

Who brings me to my knees.

To share this love across the earth,

The beauty of your holy Word.

So I kneel before you God,

I lift my hands cause You set me free.

 

So I shout out Your name,

From the rooftops I proclaim,

That I am Yours,

I am Yours.

 

All that I am,

I place into your loving hands,

And I am Yours,

I am Yours.

 

Here I am I stand with arms wide open,

To the one the Son the everlasting God

The everlasting God.