Hope

Wow! Wow! Wow! I just came back from a friend’s house where we watch two of Louis Giglio’s DVD’s. I will give all my front teeth just to be able to attend one of his seminars. This guy has such an amazing way of seeing God, you cannot help but to tap into his enthusiasm for God. I want to tell you a little of what he said.

He was talking about hope and the greatness of God.

In Joh 16:33 Jesus said the following to his disciples: “I have told you these things, so that in me you will have (perfect) peace (and) confidence. In the world you have tribulation, trials, distress and frustrations, but be of good cheer (take courage, be confident, certain, undaunted)! For I have overcome the world.

What Jesus was saying to His disciples was that they WILL experience TROUBLE, but IN JESUS they will FIND PEACE, because He has already OVERCOME THE WORLD. Note this was said before Jesus was crucified. Jesus new that whether it be yesterday, today or tomorrow, He already won the battle. He was send to earth by His Father who has authority over everything for that purpose.

So what do you do when the ground gets pulled from under your feet and the walls come crushing down? Whether you survive or not depends on where your focus are. Not so long ago I had to try and explain to my son, why God don’t always answer our prayers and why bad things happen to good people. We live in a fallen world where often chaos rules, so it is easy to ask WHY GOD when really bad things happen to us. Why did You not stop it? How do you stay afloat when everything is falling apart in your life? You can’t stop trouble from coming, but you can survive it.

Louis Giglio put everything so nicely together.

He said it all depends on what your anchor is. You anchor has to be the Cross. When you make the preservation of yourself and your family your highest goal in life, you will crumble when this world smashes you into the wall, because you have nothing to hold on to. When you make God your highest goal in life, the world will smash you into the wall, but you will survive because you still have something to hold on to. I know from my own experience that if I didn’t have God to hold on to when my world got smashed, I would not have survived.

1.      To look at the Cross will tell you how much God loves you. Anybody who can offer    His son to take the punishment for our sins must love us very much.

2.      To look at the cross will help us remember that God understands how we feel. There is nothing you can feel that He hasn’t also felt.

3.      To look at the Cross will help you remember that even if it doesn’t feel or look like it, God is in control. The whole crucifixion, from where the crowd chose Barabbas (a criminal) instead of Jesus (an innocent man), right to the end where Jesus the Son of God Almighty was hanging like a criminal on a Cross with no possibility of being saved by His Father, was controlled by God. God decided what will happen.

4.      Looking at the Cross will remind us that God always paints on a canvas. He will always use something bad, and turn it into something eternal. We never see the bigger picture, but it always is there. Looking at Jesus hanging on the Cross, no one saw the bigger picture. They did not see that this terrible thing that was happening will result in us getting the chance to receive eternal life.

Isn’t that just an awesome way to tackle your problems. Never again will I struggle through hardship without remembering to see the Cross. When you make the Cross your anchor in the storm, it gives you hope in the knowledge that you are not alone. That even if you don’t see it, your tears will not be in vain, but most of all you can find peace in the midst of chaos knowing that God is always in control. All you have to do is hold on to Him, take one step at a time and walk through the storm with the sure knowledge that God is with you every step of the way. I know because I have been there. That is the difference between people who put their trust in God and those who don’t. You always have HOPE! There is nothing life can throw at you that you cannot overcome with God in you.

How can we be so sure God can keep things together for us? The answer is simple. He is the Almighty Creator of everything. Louis Giglio showed us just how powerful and big God is. He showed us pictures of 3 stars and 1 galaxy and gave us there dimensions. To help make things a bit clearer I want to mention what a light year is. It is the speed at which light travels in 1 year.

Light second = 300 000km/s, that is 7.5 times around the earth in 1 sec

Light year = 9.5 trillion km/year (9.500 000 000 000km)

Now have a look at these dimensions.

Whirlpool galaxy:      31million light years away from earth

(31 000 000 x 9.500 000 000 000 =

294 500 000 000 000 000 000km)

300 billion stars in galaxy

In the centre there is a black hole that looks like an eye with a cross inside

 

 Sun:     Radius = 696 000km

Diameter = 1.392km

Circumference = 4.366 813km (you can line up a 109 earths across the sun and about 1.3 million earths could fit inside the sun)

It is 8 light min away from earth (300 000km x 60 x 8 = 144 billion km)

Enough golf balls to fill a bus.

 

Betelgeuse:     Over 640 light years away from earth (640 x 9.5 trillion km =                                               6.080 000 000 000 000km)

About 1000 times the size of the sun, twice the orbit of the sun

Diameter = 1.4billion km (1.400 000 000km)

If the earth was a golf ball, Betelgeuse will be 6 times the height of the empire building (443m x 6 = 2,658km)

262 trillion earths can fit inside the star

Can fill up super dome 3000 times with golf balls

 

Canis Majoris:             Biggest star found so far  

If earth was a golf ball, Canis Majoris would be the height

of Mount Everest

5000light years away from earth (5000 x 9.5 trillion km =

47 500 000 000 000 000km)

2100 times the size of the sun

2.900 000 000km diameter   

Can fill state of Texas with golf balls 55.88cm deep

Can fit 7 quadrillion earths inside star

 

 

To give you an idea of what a quadrillion is:

·         A million sec ago = 12 days

·         A billion sec ago = may 1975

·         A trillion sec ago = 29 700BC

·         A quadrillion sec ago = 30million 800000 years ago

If that didn’t blow your mind, have a look at this.

Laminin: It is a protein found in extracellular matrix, the sheets of protein that forms the substrate of all internal organs, also called the basement membrane. Its function is to hold all our body structures together. What is so amazing about this protein is that it is in the shape of a cross.

                                                 

 

Col 1:15-17 ”15Now He is the exact likeness, of the unseen God, He is the Firstborn of all creation. 16For it was in Him that all things were created, in heaven and on earth, things seen and things unseen….. 17And He Himself existed before all things and in Him all things consist (cohere, are held together)

Now if the size of those stars do not convince you of the power of God (He created them with a spoken word) and you cannot see the significance of the shape of the protein that is the glue of our bodies, nothing on this earth will convince you that the Creator of all of the Universe and of that same body can hold your life together when the storms of this world hit you.

ALMOST THERE!

Experts say it takes 1 year for every 5 years you’ve been together to recover after a divorce. It’s been 2½ years since my ex and I split up. So that leaves me with another 1½ years of recovery. Over the weekend my friend and I had another of our home clean-up sessions and I came across some old video tapes. As I went through them I came across some videos of times we had together with our families. I could for the first time, look at these videos and remember the good times we had. I also came across our unedited wedding video. I was totally unprepared to suddenly see me and my ex dancing on our song. We looked so happy. I sat there looking at us dance, remembering our wedding day and I felt so sad. I realised that gut wrenching pain was gone, only to be replaced by this great sadness. I have decided to edit our wedding video. My children deserve to know their parents were happy and not only miserable like their father is trying to make out. I showed my children a piece of the edited DVD and they were shocked to see us all so happy. It confirmed my decision to edit it for them. I am planning on putting all our photos on DVD for them.

My friend’s ex told her some time ago after some stuff happened in his life, how sorry he was and that he wanted to come back to his family. I could see how it affected her emotionally, but in the end she said “Thank you, but no thank you.” For the first time in 2 years I came to stand before the question; What if it was me? What would my answer have been?

I have never lost hope that maybe one day we could fix our marriage. Give the kids what they so badly want. I know my ex and I know that pride is keeping him from fixing his mistakes. I know for the sake of our children I would have to consider it if he should want to try again, but what about how I feel? I am glad this happened because it forced me to face exactly what I felt for my ex. There’s nothing as uncomfortable but also as cleansing as a bit of soul searching.

My friend and I came to the following conclusion.

·         We are not in love with them anymore.
·         We do not like nor respect the persons they have become.
·         We do not want all their baggage to complicate our lives anymore.
·         We have outgrown them in all aspects of life.
·         We are self-dependant, they are not.
·         We can be happy on our own, they cannot.
·         We have a full life with a lot of friends, they don’t.
·         Most important; they have done absolutely nothing in the last 2 years to deal with all their   issues.

Two days after my friend’s ex wanted to come home he moved back in with his current wife. I rest my case.

Now why on earth would I allow someone like that back into my life? It would be lunacy to even consider it. I could never trust him again and then there is the issue of this not being his first indiscretion. It will always haunt me. Maybe if he had made any effort to deal with all his issues and showed true remorse, I could consider trying again, but he didn’t. Also just like my friend’s ex, he will probably keep a back door open. He wasn’t and probably wouldn’t be dedicated enough to fight for what he had and I am done with people that always want to take the easy way out. He would not have been able to get through what I had to get through the last 2 years on his own and survive. He just doesn’t have it in him. I want someone strong next to me, with qualities like honour, loyalty, perseverance, positivity, hope, ect, not someone I have to carry the whole time. I want people in my life who aren’t going to abandon ship at the first sign of trouble.

 

 

What about the kids, you ask? Well will they really be better off with him back in their lives? He spends the same amount of time with them now, than before our divorce. As a matter of fact, I think he might just have come to the realisation that he better start making more of an effort with them if he doesn’t want to lose them completely. So isn’t that better than what they had before our divorce. Being the person he is; is there anything of value he can teach my children

that I can’t. What have he taught them so far?

To….

·         run away from your problems
·         give up when things get tough
·         abandon your marriage and children is acceptable
·         look out for yourself first and never mind how your actions affect others
·         lie or tell half-truths when you don’t like the truth
·         always remember that nothing is ever your fault, always look for the fault with others

Not the things I want to teach my children. Honestly I don’t want my son to be like his dad. I also want to teach my daughter not to make the same mistakes I did. What use is a mega disaster in your life, if you don’t at least learn something from it?

 My friend and I sat discussing our feelings and we both agreed that
·         Our exes were the one love of our lives.
·         We would probably do things exactly the same way if we had to do it all over again – after all our children were born
·         Chances are we might have gotten divorce ourselves were it not for the type of people we are – divorce was never an option for us.
·         Our exes probably will never mature – they are both on the wrong side of 45 and have nothing to show for it.
·         We don’t want the life we had with them back, even if we still loved them – desperate we definitely are not.
·         Our lives without them are definitely more successful.
·         Life on our own has a lot of challenges, but we are strong enough to make it.
·         We both want to put our old life and all the “what if’s” behind us now and walk away from it.
·         We will probably be stuck with their tantrums and verbal abuse for the rest of our lives because we had children together – we better learn to ignore it and them.

I have made peace with the fact that my ex and I will never work again. It makes me sad, but not because I miss him, more because this is one mistake I can never fix. A friend said after I found out about my ex’s affair, that it is like a mirror that cracked. It cannot be fixed and it will never be the same. I didn’t want to hear it at the time, but he was so right when he said that. Now I can see the truth in it and can even agree with it. I truly wish I could now erase my ex from my life. All he is at the moment is an unpleasant irritation that I have to tolerate for the sake of my children. I don’t even want to try and be friends with him, simply because he doesn’t have the qualities I value in my friendships. He has become a complete stranger to me. My friend said something so true the other day; that it’s not even worth trying to communicate with them anymore, because it’s like running repeatedly into a brick wall, head first. Do I sound bitter, no; disillusioned yes. Nothing better to open a person’s eyes to the people you thought you knew than going through a divorce.

I didn’t see my children for 3 weeks because he had them for the holiday. It was the first time they have been away from me for so long and I found myself getting angry again. I wanted to know why when he was the one that caused everything that happened in our family’s life I was the one that got punished all the time. I suppose it is only natural to want to see him take some punishment as well. Thankfully before this could become bitterness I watch a DVD of Louis Giglio and there and then he settled the score. I realised God doesn’t owe me anything, except judgement, so I better climb of my high horse and start being thankful for what I have and start appreciating the fact that I am minuscule and totally insignificant when compared to God.

I found God, made stunning friends, became independent and strong and I love the way my life had turned out. What more do I want? Yes, I have the same problems/challenges/dreams I had when I was married and although I often have to deal with them on my own, at least now they are being dealt with. I am at last moving forward. If that was all I got out of my divorce, that alone would have made it worth all the pain and heartache. Don’t make a mistake; I am not the innocent all trusting person I used to be. I have learnt the hard way that I cannot trust my ex. What he says and what he eventually does hardly ever add up. When you see a snake you tread with caution. Thankfully it didn’t leave me with no trust in humankind; I just learnt to be more cautious.

I still have a couple of things/people I have to deal with before I can leave it/them forever behind me. Slowly but surely I am freeing myself from my old life. When you go on a diet, you have to lose the weight slowly in order to keep it off. The same goes for a divorce. You have to go through all the painful stages in order to heal properly. If you skip a stage it will hold you back until you have dealt with it. Sometimes it will feel like you have moved back a step or two but when you come out of that stage you will see that it was easier this time to start moving forward again and so it becomes easier and easier to leave the past behind and embrace the future. Thanks to the wonderful people that became part of my life just after my ex moved out and the way they supported me, I want to bet that I am not going to need another 1½ years to put my divorce behind me. Sadness about lost opportunities, mistakes that were made and the pain my children experiences will be part of my life, but it will not prevent me from having a full and happy life. If you are in the same position, you also can have a full and happy life. It’s all about the support you have, the choices you make and the God you serve.

Hardened Hearts

In my previous blog I wrote about remarriage and one of the things that caught my eye was that an unfaithful partner won’t come back because he/she has hardened their hearts. That is very often the reason for going through with the divorce. I have seen it in my ex. The things I have been accused of and the things he has said to me have been at times so hurtful, that I have wondered whether he ever really knew me. The sinner in me of course let him have it back. I understand today why someone that had such a soft heart, can turn into someone with no heart or compassion for anybody. It is such a disturbing thing to see, that I wanted to know how I can help him.

You see when someone hardens their heart, their spirit will die. It’s like when you allow a wound to fester long enough, you will end up with septicaemia and anyone who has ever worked in a hospital will know it will kill you if left untreated. The sad thing I realised after reading about a hardened heart is that you can do nothing to help. Only that person can allow the wound to be opened and cleanse.

So what causes people to harden their hearts?

First a person with a hardened heart does not necessarily have to be a God hater. Christians can also have a hardened heart without even realising it. Like this one author put it: “if you relate more to the natural than the supernatural, you have a hardened heart.”

What is the definition of hardened? unfeeling, cold, insensitive, unyielding.

A hardened heart is to commit the soul in a spirit of disobedience, sell-will, stubbornness and rebellion against God’s Will.

If I have to be completely honest, then I have also had a hardened heart re certain aspects of my life. It closes your eyes and ears to the supernatural. You see and hear in the natural, but not in the spiritual. That is precisely what satan wants and why he is the victor in so many peoples’ lives on earth. He blinds a person for the awesome power of God. You may see and hear of it, but a hard heart prevents you from understanding it. You cannot take it and make it part of your life. It is all about where your heart lies. When something is important to you, you have a heart for that something. Your heart will soften towards it. It’s about where your focus is.

Most people find it difficult to believe in the supernatural, because it is easier and saver to believe in something you can see. That is why fear plays such an important role in our lives. If you think back you will realise what role fear played in your life. It distorts things and leads to anger, stress, rebellion, depression, ectr. When you really start to see and understand the supernatural, fear becomes something of the past.

A hardened heart is always a voluntary act of the mind/will. When you make a decision about something, soon your thought processes, which is directed by your mind/will, will direct your emotions, by using your intellect to help align your emotions to a place where it will support the decision your mind has made. So if you take a stance against God, you will use your intellect to only entertain thoughts that will sustain emotions that will justify your decision. You end up having a one sided view and prejudice against everything God is.

You will find that they will often use and attack the church as a reason to justify their feelings. Their view of God and the church can border on blasphemy, blaming religion and their experiences with religion for it. They will use real or suppose sins by religious people to back up their claims. They will often speak half-truths, without ever making an effort to find out about a subject. Often they have persuaded themselves that their believes are the full truth. It is impossible to discuss anything with such a person, because he refuses to look at the other side of the coin.

They often are ashamed of God and will not openly confess Christ. Pride plays such a big role in such a person maintaining their stance, especially in the presence of family and friends. The only time they might open up is when you speak to them alone. They will not confess to having any feelings re religion in the presence of others, not even in front of someone who really cares about them.

They often are too proud to confess to a wrong and make restitution and therefore will stubbornly refuse to acknowledge anything before God or man. They know if they confess, they will also have to make restitution. They point blank refuse to repent, because that will mean God’s will and not their will anymore.

They often become angry when spoken to about this. They will often in an attempt to strengthen their stance, indulge more in a particular sin.” Cutting of their noses, to spite their faces.” They would rather walk around without a nose, than confess and repent.

They will often follow the crowd when it comes to God. Unbelief is their greatest crime.

They often do not have any confidence in any man. Very often it is because they themselves deserve no confidence of anybody. When someone is trustworthy and good hearted, they will often see only the good in others and not be suspicious of the motives of others. The same goes for people who don’t trust others. They often have a wicked heart. They judge others according to their own standards.

They often are very selfish, only thinking of what they want. They will often not care how their actions affect others and will always justify their actions. They resist any kind of authority. They do not allow moral values to dictate their lives, because that will go against their self-will.

Many have just put of the decision re God for so long that it has become a way of life. They have gotten stuck in a comfort zone and it is too much effort to do anything that will take them out of that comfort zone. They often think that God will wait for them. It is the same as saying to God “I know the claim is just, but I cannot/ will not pay it.”

There is often a sense of guilt involved, because deep down they know they are wrong. They know that refusing to obey God and then to justify it as well is a direct and serious insult to God. Not only do they resist God, but they pour contempt over His offers of mercy. They will do everything in their power to justify rejecting God’s mercy.

The real guilt lies in the violation of such a person’s moral obligation to love God and thy neighbour; in their refusal to see the good of God and the universe.

If you continue to harden your heart, you run the risk of never getting to know God, never finding salvation. You accept and choose eternal death. God said He will give you so much time and then you will be delivered to His wrath. He will harden your heart even more, making it impossible for you to turn around and find salvation. I never want to be in a position where God has hardened His heart for me. It is too terrible a thought to even contemplate. Only if you really don’t know and understand the power of God, can you make the decision to put yourself in that position. Only pride and selfishness can make you think you can go up against the Creator of all and win the fight. If you are not for God, you are against Him and then you are fighting a losing battle. God already overcame satan and only a person that has truly lost their senses can willingly choose to take up the spiritual battle, fighting on the side of him who has already lost.

The question is?

Are pride and your self-will really worth eternal death? Most people with hardened hearts have met God, they have no excuse and God will also see it that way. In the end you only spite yourself. If you cannot picture spiritual death, go put your hand inside the flames of a fire and keep it there for 1 minute. Then ask yourself the question: What if I am wrong about the power, authority and punishment of God?

Remarriage - yes or no?

I think it is only natural for a divorced person to eventually want to marry again. As a Christian I wanted to know what God said about remarriage. There are a lot of opinions on the internet some are obviously not God’s will but people wanting to do what they want to do. They are using scripture and God’s Grace selectively to justify continuing living in sin. However it is not what people think that counts, but what God said. I must admit that after reading some of the articles I was in tears. One of the authors put it like this: Divorce and remarriage is a matter of eternity in heaven or hell. It seemed that if I wanted to stay in God’s will I had two choices, my ex or eternal death. All the anger I felt for my ex boiled over again. After I calmed down I went back to check the articles again, just to make sure I understood it correctly.

It’s a very clear that God hates divorces. Malachi 2:16 “For the Lord the God of Israel says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment (his wife) with violence”. Not only does He hate divorce, it also removes you from fellowship with God. Malachi 2:13 “And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears (shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives) and with (your own) weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favour at your hand.”

Why does God hate divorce? Malachi 2:14 “Yet you ask why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness (to the covenant made at your marriage) between you and the wife of your youth.” When two people (Christian and non-Christian alike) get married, they don’t only get married on paper (legally), but also in front of God. God has made man and woman one, joined inseparably to his wife, they shall be one flesh. Matt 19:4-6 “What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (separate).” A divorce ends the legal aspect of marriage, but it does not free you from the covenant between you and God. Malachi 2:14 Divorce does not end the aspect of marriage that God joined together.

Consider the following scriptures:

"Whosoever dismisses (repudiates and divorces) his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman dismisses (repudiates and divorces) her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." (Mark. 10:11-12) Also read Matt 5:32, Matt 19:9, Luke 16:18, Matt 5:28

So what does this mean?

Jesus makes it clear that divorce is not adultery; it is a serious act of defilement against the spirit and every other aspect of the marriage. Adultery happens after remarriage, because although divorce sets them free legally, God did not set them free. The sin of adultery can only occur if one or both of the persons involved is married. If neither of the persons is married the term adultery cannot be used. When Jesus said that "whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery", He was stating that when a man marries a divorced woman he is living with another man's wife and therefore is guilty of adultery. Divorce does not make a man or a woman single again. Divorce does not end a person's first marriage. That is why a person commits adultery when they marry and live with a divorced person. Adultery could not occur in remarriage if divorce ended the first marriage. Adultery can only occur in remarriage because the divorced spouse is still married to their first marriage partner in Jesus' judgment. (Jesus is the Judge we will stand before one day and it is important that we understand how He feels about divorce and remarriage.)

God states that the sexual intercourse of a divorced and remarried couple is adultery. Therefore each time they have sexual intercourse they commit an act of adultery. As they continue to have sexual relations and there is no repentance, it becomes a state of adultery. Therefore, adultery in remarriage is both an act each time it occurs, and a continuing state of sinning. The action of remarriage is not adultery it is the sexual act that is adultery. One is guilty of sin before God until they have repented of the sin and stopped the sin. One cannot repent of the "act" adultery but continue in it and expect God to ignore the fact that they are continuing to commit adultery.

Read what one of the authors further said re divorce:

The interesting illustration of God and Israel's divorce

In Jeremiah 3 God states that He gave Israel a certificate of divorce. However at no point did that annul or end the covenant that He had made with the ten northern tribes of Israel even though Israel had married other gods. Jeremiah 3:1 says "They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD." In spite of the command by Moses in Deut. 24:1-4 that a divorced woman could not return to her first husband, in Jer. 3:1 God says to Israel, "Yet return again to me."

God infers that the instruction given in Deut. 24:1-4 on divorce and remarriage is not a command that He gave to Moses. God says in Jer. 3:1 "They say" not "I said" in referring to Deut. 24:1-4. He then goes on to ignore the command that a divorced woman may not return to her first husband by saying "yet return again to me."

Jesus also implied that divorce and remarriage in Deut. 24:1-4 was something that Moses permitted because the people demanded it, but it was not a permission that God gave. Jesus said that from the beginning it was not so. In Matt. 19:8 Jesus said, " Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." Jesus at no point indicated that Deut. 24:1-4 was a command that God gave to Moses. Hardness of heart is refusing to believe what God has said and is sin. Jesus could not endorse the excuse of hardness of heart as justification to do the opposite of what God had said.

In addition we see that divorce and remarriage did not end God's marriage covenant with Israel. In Jer. 3:1-8 God says: " They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD. 2 Lift up thine eyes unto the high places, and see where thou hast not been lien with. In the ways hast thou sat for them, as the Arabian in the wilderness; and thou hast polluted the land with thy whoredoms and with thy wickedness. 3 Therefore the showers have been withholden, and there hath been no latter rain; and thou hadst a whore's forehead, thou refusedst to be ashamed. 4 Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me, My father, thou art the guide of my youth? 5 Will he reserve his anger for ever? will he keep it to the end? Behold, thou hast spoken and done evil things as thou couldest. 6 The LORD said also unto me in the days of Josiah the king, Hast thou seen that which backsliding Israel hath done? she is gone up upon every high mountain and under every green tree, and there hath played the harlot. 7 And I said after she had done all these things, Turn thou unto me. But she returned not. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. 8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also."

God asks Israel to return. He says in v. 14 "For I am married unto you" (even after divorce and remarriage!) Jer. 3:12-14 "Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the LORD; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the LORD, and I will not keep anger for ever. 13 Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the LORD. 14 Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion:"

Ezekiel was younger than Jeremiah. Ezekiel wrote from captivity in Babylon after Israel's divorce. He testifies that God's covenant with Israel was not ended by divorce and remarriage. Ez. 20:40-44 "For in mine holy mountain, in the mountain of the height of Israel, saith the Lord GOD, there shall all the house of Israel, all of them in the land, serve me: there will I accept them, and there will I require your offerings, and the first fruits of your oblations, with all your holy things. 41 I will accept you with your sweet savour, when I bring you out from the people, and gather you out of the countries wherein ye have been scattered; and I will be sanctified in you before the heathen. 42 And ye shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall bring you into the land of Israel, into the country for the which I lifted up mine hand to give it to your fathers. 43 And there shall ye remember your ways, and all your doings, wherein ye have been defiled; and ye shall lothe yourselves in your own sight for all your evils that ye have committed. 44 And ye shall know that I am the LORD, when I have wrought with you for my name's sake, not according to your wicked ways, nor according to your corrupt doings, O ye house of Israel, saith the Lord GOD."

What is clarified about divorce and remarriage by the example of God and Israel's divorce?

1. Neither divorce nor remarriage ends the first marriage. God said to Israel after He had given her a certificate of divorce, "For I am married to you" (Jer. 3:14) Therefore, in remarriage adultery occurs as if there had been no divorce.
2. God indicates, and Jesus confirms, that Moses' command allowing divorce and remarriage and prohibiting the returning to the first spouse after remarriage was not a command that God gave to Moses. It was something that Moses permitted because of the hardness of people's hearts, and is not one we are to follow, nor can we use it to justify divorce and remarriage. It was never God's will from the beginning. Matt. 19:8 "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so."
3. God's desire is that the first marriage partners leave all other marriage partners, return, and be reconciled to each other. God said, "Yet return to me" (Jer. 3:1)

So when can you remarry then?

God also says, "So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man." Romans 7:3.  Also read Mark 12:24-25, 1 Cor 7:39

According to the scripture you can only remarry after your partner of your first marriage dies.

Isn’t that a bit unfair? What, as in my case where I had no choice in the matter and my adulterous spouse had no interest in saving the marriage, am I to do?

There are two "exception clauses" on divorce in Matthew. Matt. 5:32 states: "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

Almost all the authors stated that this scripture gives the innocent partner in the case of adultery the right to remarry. Great I thought I can remarry without committing adultery, until I read what this one author said.

Sounds straight forward, but then the one author put it like this.

If a man's wife committed adultery, how would her adultery keep him from committing adultery if he divorced her and remarried? Or to ask the question another way, is there any teaching or example in the Bible that would indicate that adultery by one marriage partner ends their marriage and makes them single again in God's eyes?

According to the Bible (Old and New Testament) the adulterers must be put to death. Deut 22:22 “If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die.”

Also read: Lev 20:10, Lev 21:9, Prov 6:32, Deut 25:11-12 (adultery causes death)

As shown above the following scriptures states what Jesus said about adultery – Matt 5:32 "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

Also read: Matt 19:9, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18.

Now you can say yes but that was in the Old Testament and people were under the Law of Moses. Please see what Jesus said about the Law of Moses in Matt 5:17-18 “17Do not think that I have come to do away with (or) undo the Law of the Prophets;…..18For truly I tell you, until the sky and earth pass away (and) perish, not one smallest letter nor one little hook will pass from the Law until all things are accomplished.”  Also read Matt 23:1-3

To sum it up:

·         According to the OT an adulterer must be put to death.

·         According to the NT you commit adultery when you divorce and remarry.

·         According to the NT adultery is grounds for divorce, BUT

·         Nowhere, in the Bible does it say that divorce ends the covenant that was made – on the contrary if you compare marriage to the marriage of God and the Israelites it shows that even though God divorced them, He still considered the covenant He made with them binding.

·         According to the Old and New Testament the only reason an innocent partner where adultery is concerned can remarry is because the adulterer would have been put to death there by freeing the innocent partner from the Law.

·         According to 1 Cor 7:12 the Lord says that if you divorce your partner you should stay unmarried or reconcile with your partner.

Not exactly what I wanted to hear!

Does this apply to non-Christians as well?

It is clear that even non-Christians are united by God in marriage. How do we know this?

1.      God is the Creator of all, every man was born of God. Joh. 1:1-3

2.      Jesus is King of kings and Lord of lords. All authority and power belongs to Him. Rev 17:14, Rev 1:5

3.      Jesus is Judge of all. Acts 17:30-31

4.      According to Gen 2:24 marriage is a creation institution and not a Christian institution. In other words it is a “man” who marries and not just the Christian man.

5.      According to Rom 1:14-15 it if clear that even the unbelievers know what is right and wrong. God’s wrath will be unleased against all ungodliness.

6.      The marriage of the unbeliever is acknowledged in 1Cor.14

Therefore, we must conclude that what goes for Christians in the eyes of God, goes for non-Christians as well, particularly if it is their first union.

So where does it leave me?

To be honest; a bit confused and plenty angry. I would still like to speak to some Christians friends about the “exception clauses”, but truthfully I could not find any holes in the author’s interpretation of the scripture. So in the end I will probably have to make peace with the fact that if I want to obey God’s Word, I will have to stay single for the rest of my life. What makes me so angry is the fact that my ex has no idea just how much his infidelity will probably cost me on this earth. At the same time he has no idea/refuse to acknowledge just how much his infidelity will cost him in the afterlife. If I have to choose between eternal life and remarriage, there really is no choice.

1 Cor 6:9-10 does say “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God”.