One Year Down The Line.

It has been just over a year that I have been on my own. Looking back I can honestly say the last year has been the worst of my life. I have never felt so lost and alone, have never been so hurt, have never felt more betrayed and have never been more disappointed in any human being. I have lost my husband and what I thought was my partner for life. I have lost the unity of my family. I have had to watch my children trying to come to terms with their father disserting us. I have lost my job and income. I have been left with a pile of debt. I have lost friends and family. I have had to start from scratch. Yes it has been the worst year of my life, but at the same time I can now say it has been the best year of my life.

I have found God and I am now in a relationship with Him. Sometimes it’s really good and other times it’s really bad, but always I know that God won’t walk out on me because He didn’t like something I did. I have found security, love, peace and joy. I had to start a new job which still isn’t easy, but I am now the owner of my own business. I have lost friends, but found more true friends in the last year than I have had in my whole life. I have lost family, but I have grown closer to my own family than ever before. I have lost my partner, but I have gained my independence and self-respect again.

Best of all, I have found myself again. Losing my husband, I was forced to stand back and look at my life. Re-evaluate who I have become and I didn’t like what I saw. Very little of the person who met my husband that first day on the beach, was left. I gave it all to him and unfortunately he didn’t appreciate it. I asked myself the question whether I really deserved to be with someone who didn’t love me for who I am. Sure enough I wasn’t always the easiest person to live with, but then neither was he, but I was ALWAYS loyal and ALWAYS faithful to him. Here was a man who didn’t know me well enough after 20 years to know that all I needed was his reassurance when I got jealous, his support when I felt insecure. All I ever wanted was for him to accept and love me for who I am. I would have walked to the moon and back for him and he couldn’t walk around the house for me.

At least once a week one of my children would ask me if I will take him back if he does so and so. Up until he dragged me in front of a judge, because according to him, his lover insisted on getting an interdict against me (I now believe that he is just too much of a coward to stand his man against her and that in his twisted mind he probably thought he was keeping a door open, for in case his new life crashes sooner than expected), I would have entertained the idea of trying again. I have come to realise that it would still be the old ****** and that he will probably do exactly the same to me in future. Now that he has run out on me and our children once, the second time will be a lot easier and where will I be then?

He is still the man that cannot face his problems, who chose financial security over his family and that walks around with masks on his face. At one time I felt sorry for him, having to go home and be alone and face who he really is, but I don’t feel sorry anymore. He knew what he was doing. He was living for the moment and probably didn’t consider all the consequences, but it’s not my problem anymore. If it didn’t turn out exactly as he hoped, he will have to learn to deal with it. I have put my life on hold for a year waiting for him to come to his senses. If he chose to give his life to God and allowed God to make him new, we would have had a chance, but he is still the man who thinks he doesn’t need anybody.

My sister told me in the beginning of this ordeal that I will be well on my way to a new life and he would still be stuck in his miserable little life of me, me, me. Guess what, she was right. He used to walk around telling me about all the life experience he had, well the only experience he has is of how to walk all over people in order to look out for nr 1. He doesn’t know the satisfaction of helping a complete stranger, or of giving of your time to teach children about God or the gratitude of someone because you did something without expecting compensation. He doesn’t know the joy of getting hugged by someone just because they care about you. He doesn’t know the joy of watching his children grow up (although in his state of denial he insist that he does). He doesn’t know the peace of walking by faith and not by sight. He doesn’t know God and in his arrogance he doesn’t want to know God. All he knows is how to lie and manipulate and the stress of having to pretend the whole time. All the toys his being bought with cannot make up for the fact that he has become a bitter, angry and lonely man who blames everybody, but himself, for the miserable situation he finds himself in. He made the choice and now he has to live with it.

I have had to adopt the right attitude. I could have allowed bitterness and hatred to take over my life, but that would only have left me miserable and alone. I could have given up, but I had two children and I found out I was stronger than what I thought. I could have blamed God for everything that happened and for a while I did, but thank God my eyes were opened. I now know it is not God, but us who choose what we do with our lives. I understand now that we live in a fallen world and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I understand that it was and still is God’s will to restore my family, but that my husband chose not to accept God’s help. I have accepted that and I know that if it is God’s will, He will send someone to me and my children who will take the responsibility God gave him seriously. It will be someone who will have a lot of God in him. Someone I can respect and who will love me and accept me for who I am. I am looking forward to meeting the man God has chosen for me and while I wait I will ask God to help me become a more mature Christian, so that I can be a godly wife to my new husband.

Life is all about the choices we make. So sure life treated you like crap and you did not deserve it. In the end you have a choice between believing the lies of satan or accepting your identity in Christ. You can carry on depending on yourself and others or you can drown for yourself and this world and LET GO AND LET GOD. If you are willing to let God take over and SUBMIT to His will for your life and live in obedience to His Word, He will turn your situation around into a VICTORY. You will get to the point where you will say thank you Lord for bringing this trial over my path. I am a better and stronger person for it. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. God knew in the end what was best for me and my children and I will keep on trusting Him to lead the way in future.

The Consequences of Adulery

What is the definition of adultery?

Adultery means sexual intercourse between two people, one or both of whom is married to somebody else. When two people are having an affair, both parties involved are committing adultery, even if one is unmarried and unaware of the marital status of the other person.

How common is adultery?

Various surveys conducted in Western countries have suggested that at least 40 per cent of married people have had adulterous sex. There seems to be general agreement that it's more common for husbands to stray than wives – although wives are by no means innocent.

Types of adultery:

·         Paid for sex – having sex with a prostitute

·         One-night stands

·         Swinging – marriage partners swopping

·         Orgies, threesomes, ectr

·         Serious love affairs – falling in love with someone outside your marriage

Human beings will often convince themselves that what they are doing really doesn't matter, or doesn't mean anything, or has done no one any harm. Well you are WRONG!

Effects:

Adultery has painful consequences, affecting the adulterer physically, emotionally and spiritually. However it is not only the adulterer that gets affected, but his/her partner, the children, family and friends. 

·         Your relationship with God would suffer. Adultery is one of the Ten Commandments in the Bible. The Bible makes it clear that adultery will not go unpunished – “that he will surely die”. In the Old Testament times, it literally meant to be killed. Today you will still die, but it won be physically, but spiritually. You will inherit eternal death, unless you make right with God.

·         Adultery causes loss of trust and intimacy in a marriage, often leading to divorce.

·         Your family’s reputation will suffer – it is almost always a very humiliating experience.

·         The damage done to the spouse – emotionally and sometimes physically. Your partner will have a long and painful road to recovery, often having to receive counselling. In rare instances it can lead to violence – murder and physical abuse due to jealousy.

·         Your children would be broken, hurt, deeply disappointed and bewildered. In case of divorce it will have long-term consequences for the children. Your relationship with your children will suffer due to the fact that you aren’t a “full time father/mother” anymore, demands from your mistress/lover, emotional issues the children have to deal with ea. anger, conflict between divorced parents. Children of divorcees also are twice as likely to have problems as adults with mental illness, substance abuse, and failed relationships. 

·         The disappointment of friends and family in you as a husband/wife and father/mother.

·         The loss of your integrity.

·         Severe guilt, fear, anxiety, shame

·         Losing your self-esteem/ self-worth. Often adultery happens, because a person is looking for self-worth, and he/she might find” it” for a while in the fantasy heshe involved themselves in, but when the reality of what he/she did eventually hits him/her, he/she ends up losing what little self-worth and often self-respect he/she had left, due to quilt and shame.

·         Adultery can also lead to feelings of guilt, insecurity and jealousy in the mistress/lover. In some cases, this "third person" may encourage conflict and divorce (either openly or subtly), between the adulterer and his spouse, by way of negative reinforcement of the adulterer’s reasons for starting the affair in the first place. If the cheating spouse has hinted at divorce in order to continue the affair, the mistress/lover may also feel betrayed if that does not happen.

·         Work problems (particularly if it was after an office party)

·         Health problems due to stress/guilt.

·         If adultery leads to divorce, it carries financial burdens. Legal fees, higher living expenses. Often the divorced spouse simply cannot afford medical aid cover or a pension fund/ life cover.

 

·         Pregnancy.

·         Risk of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or other infections, not only for the adulterer, but also for the unsuspecting spouse.

·         Emotionally Bondage – soul ties get formed which could have serious spiritually consequences for the adulterer and also for other people he later become involved with sexually. An adulterer can literally be controlled by his/her, mistress/lover through ungodly soul ties.

·         Satan would be thrilled at your failure. He would make sure your shame/guilt never depart, which will eventually turn to anger → bitterness, un-forgiveness → causing you to turn from God → loss of hope/ depression → spiritually or even physical death (suicide).

·        This same sin might be visited upon your family for four generations. Your legacy could be leaving a Generational Curse for your children and their children to deal with. Often they will not even be aware of the curse that has been brought upon them by what you have done and because they only “know that infidelity has always been part of their family history”, they will not know how to get rid of it, thus leaving the legacy to continue, destroying life’s from one generation to the next. So in the end you will not only have destroyed your own life and the lives of your family, but you have doomed the rest of your generation to a possible spiritual death.

As a survivor of adultery myself, I can’t even begin to tell you of the devastation and hurt that is the result of this kind of betrayal. So many people get affected by this ONE act of selfishness.

Not only is it a selfish act, but in my opinion one of the cruelest things one person can do to another person. A spouse who is caught up in adultery is living only for him/herself. They are living a life of fantasy and deception, ignoring the very real consequences of infidelity. Infidelity will absolutely destroy your life and marriage. Looking at the very real spiritually consequences as well and what it can do to your soul, it is JUST NOT WORTH IT!

What does the Bible say about adultery?

Exodus 20:14/ Deuteronomy 5:18/ Matthew 5:27/ Matthew 19:18/ Mark 10:19/ Luke 18:20/ Roman 2:22/ Roman 13:9/ James 2:11 "You shall not commit adultery."

Deuteronomy 22:22  “If a man is found lying with another man's wife, they shall both die, the man who lay with the woman and the woman. So you shall purge the evil from Israel”.

Leviticus 20:10 “The man who commits adultery with another’s wife, even his neighbor’s wife,  the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death."

Proverbs 6:29  “So he who cohabits with his neighbor’s wife (will be tortured with evil consequences and just retribution); he who touches her shall not be innocent or go unpunished.

Proverbs 6:32 "But whoever commits adultery with a woman, lacks heart and understanding (moral principle and prudence); he who does it is destroying his own life.

Proverbs 27:8 “Like a bird that wanders from her nest, so is a man that strays from his home.

Mark 10:11 “And He said to them, whoever dismisses (repudiates and divorce) his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

In conclusion: I think it is safe to say that a person thinking of/or committing the sin of adultery is a FOOL. Not only will he/she destroy their marriage, but they will destroy themselves.

If you are busy committing adultery, make the choice and stop it NOW. Break the soul ties that keep you in bondage.

 How to break a soul tie?

(Call the name of the person and say), I cut my soul tie with you today, in the Name of Jesus Christ. I am no longer yours and I can live without you. You will no longer have me. I separate myself from you and give my soul to Jesus who will join me to another man/woman in a holy marriage for His glory. I break the covenant between you and me and renounce you out of my soul. Between you and me there is no covenant.

It is always better if you have a church leader to make sure all your ties are broken, so if at all possible get someone to sit with you when you do break soul ties.

Make the decision today to stay true to your marriage vows and if you have already betrayed them, ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to renew you marriage and your relationship with your spouse. God never intended for people to sleep around. Marriage is SACRED and you should do everything in your power to keep it sacred.

Trust vs Betrayal

The fundamental foundation of a marriage is built on trust. The Oxford dictionary defines trust as

• A firm belief in the reliability, truth or ability of someone or something.
• Acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation.
• The state of being responsible for someone or something.

Now in the case of adultery the fundamental foundation for the relationship for both the wife and the mistress is one of betrayal. According to the Oxford dictionary betrayal is:

• To be gravely disloyal to someone or something.
• Treachery – Guilty of or involving betrayal or deception, also a “cheat” or to “cheat”.

To clarify the above mentioned statement re betrayal:

  

In the case of the wife it is obvious. Her husband is a liar and a cheat and has betrayed the sacred vows they have made in front of God on their wedding day. The reverse is true if the husband is the one being betrayed.

 

In the case of the mistress/lover it is maybe not so obvious, but never the less true. The whole relationship is based on a lie and therefore betrayal plays a big role in their union. The adulterer very often does not only lie to his wife, but also to his mistress. (Again the reverse is true if the adulterer is a woman.) Also both the adulterer and the mistress are involved in betraying the innocent party, they are in essence both cheats. Very often promises are being made to the mistress that the adulterer has no intentions of keeping. You must remember she is only an escape. As soon as the rescue boat arrives she will also see the back of him. Of course it does help if the mistress herself can get some kind of a hold on the adulterer. It will keep him for longer in her bed, but in the end it will only prolong the inevitable. His emotions are running the show and his actions will depend on how he feels at a specific time. When you are being kept in a relationship with very few choices, resentment will eventually show its ugly head. Furthermore the relationship is built on a fantasy, thereby betraying the authenticity of the relationship. Also because the adulterer has already betrayed the trust of one person, chances are he/she will do it again, so there can be no lasting trust between two people involved in an affair.

 

That is then probably why so many mistresses turn out feeling even less secure than the betrayed wife felt, as is the case with my ex’s mistress. Can you imagine the arrogance of my ex asking me to please take into consideration, when I deal with her, that his mistress is feeling extremely insecure. As if I could care less about the state of her security in their relationship, doesn’t she after all know she is involved with a man that has already proved that he cannot be trusted. He has walked out on his firstborn and his mother, now his has walked out on me and my kids and then there are the countless times in between where I gave him the benefit of the doubt when other women were involved. This was most likely not the first time he cheated on me, I just didn’t want to face the truth of who my ex really is. A friend of mine said that a person’s “pedigree” will always show eventually and I guess that is true.

 

 

 

To make matters worse, it is not only the adulterer that betrays the innocent partner and the children, but very often many more people are involved in this one act of betrayal. There are the friends that suddenly stop calling or visiting. People you visited with once a week and suddenly they’re gone, never to be heard from again. So many people and acquaintances will accuse you with their attitude, as if you were the one that did something wrong. To go through a divorce is not only painful, but very often extremely humiliating.

 

Then there are the in-laws. These are people that knew you almost and sometimes better than your own family. In my case it wasn’t just the fact that they almost never phoned, but also that my ex’s mistress was given the go ahead barely 2 month after he moved out. Although I was reassured that I will always be part of the family, their actions proved differently. It was very painful to suddenly not be part of holidays and visits anymore and be treated as a sort of afterthought. I was sent photos of their holidays spend with my children and my ex and his mistress, which only proved to remind me that I wasn’t part of the family anymore. I knew they were in a difficult position, but what my ex did was wrong and after 20 years of friendship I guess I expected a bit more loyalty. Some of my in-laws haven’t even bothered to phone and say sorry about what happened. I got a lot of lip service, but the way I felt it did nothing for me.

Strangers were more there for me than they were. Not once did they even ask if we still had a roof over our heads or food on the table, after all their brother and son walked out and left us with nothing. We might have just as well not have existed anymore. Like I said if it wasn’t for my family and total strangers, my children and I would have been out on the street begging for food and sleeping in the doorway of a shop. I am not angry, but very sad that I have lost family and friends due to the selfish act of one man that had no self-control and couldn’t keep his basic instincts under control. Besides the fact that I found God and myself again, there is not one positive thing that came from his affair, not even for himself and I think he is slowly but surely starting to realise it. It is just a pity that it will be way too late for him when he eventually will be willing to admit it, IF that will ever happen. Pride and greed are 2 very powerful bondage's.

 

 

I suppose it is in situations like this that you find out who your friends really are. Friends are the people that look out for you when you are in no condition to do it for yourself, the people that are honest with you even if it hurts and the people you can always depend on to be there for you. In the past year I have found more true friends than I ever had in all the years of my marriage and I thank God every day for their presence in my life. I pray that I will be as much of a blessing to them, than they have been to me. Sussa you, my church mom and my coffee buddy, are very much appreciated by me.

               

 

 

 

   You kept me sane, when I was going crazy

 

You made me laugh, when all I wanted to do was cry

 

  You gave me love, when no one else did

 

You gave me wings, when I was grounded.

 

    I love you guys.

 

Getting rid of the Chaos Monkeys.

A couple of months after my ex moved out, I was having some trouble with my children. They were grieving the “loss” of their father and to be honest I simply did not know how to deal with it. At times they were impossible and then things would go well for a while. During one of these impossible stages I connected with an acquaintance from school on facebook. She also went through the ugliness of a divorce and I asked for some advice. So after that we would now and again make comments or write a message. End of last year I heard the good news that she was getting married again and low and behold was moving to George. So in February we met for coffee and immediately hit it off.

We started meeting regularly and after one such meeting at my house, she came to me and being the straight forward person that she is, told me there is heaviness in my house and we need to get rid of it. She said I had what she called a monkey spirit in my house. Basically she told me my house is chaotic and in truth I had to agree with her. I haven’t bothered for a year with my house. I always wanted to fix my house up, but while I was married there just never were any money and afterwards I just didn’t have the heart. Also my ex was very artistic so I always felt insecure making suggestion re interior decorating. After the first couple of times having to hear that I had no artistic talent, I stopped trying. I tend to keep things, for in case I might need it. My cupboards were full to overflowing with stuff I haven’t used in ages and probably never will. So we declared a state of emergency.

The Sunday of Easter Weekend it was raining and my children were both sick, so I decided to skip church. About mid-morning my friend called and said she wanted to come over and have a look at what we’re going to do with my house. So we had coffee and started going from room to room discussing what to do. All done and with a plan in our heads we went back to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. As we sat talking about things to be done, she got this gleam in her eyes and the next moment I was carrying buckets full of water, Hand Andy and rags. Before I knew what hit me, I was busy throwing out old Tupperware, washing cupboards and walls, moving stuff, ectr.  My friend had decided not to wait, because then it would have probably taken me another month before I started, but to give me a little push in the right direction. By the time it was time for her to leave, my kitchen was in total chaos. Eventually I finished the next morning and there were 5 bags of rubbish that I threw out. I worked my ass off, but the end result was absolutely worth it.

 

 

                                                              ½ hour after we started.

Next room was my bathroom. I took of the dark curtains, my sister sponsored me with some beautiful towels, put some beads and lace in front of the window, a couple of candles and some flowers and I ended with the nicest looking bathroom I ever had. I loved bringing in colours into my house. Pre divorce our colour scheme consisted of black and black and some more black. Probably a reflection on some part of my ex’s soul, but I have had enough of depression, despair and all the negative things in life. I wanted COLORS. Sad thing about it is that I have been so repressed and oppressed by my ex’s lack of approval and encouragement, that I didn’t even know what colours I liked. My friend told me, it doesn’t matter what it looked like, as long as I liked it. The rest of the house followed, as well as the garden. The children went back to their own room and I got myself some privacy again. There is still a lot to do, but luckily patience is one of the things I acquired during the last year. I am so very proud of what I have accomplished so far and I cannot wait to see what other ideas will come from the new me.

Rediscovering myself, my likes and dislikes, was the nicest thing that happened to me since my ex moved out. It was the first time I formed some idea of just how much I lost of myself during my marriage and how much was actually missing in my marriage. For the first time I could start to relate with people that said, I was lucky to be rid of him. For 20 years I gave to him and received very little back. I told someone the other day, we have always spoiled him and that is probably why he can walk all over people’s feelings and feel nothing. We have made excuses for him, ran when he wanted something, put up with his tantrums and as a rule stood on attention waiting to serve him. It was like being held prisoner by a spoiled little brat, who knows exactly how to manipulate his mother into giving him what he wanted. In the end my whole life revolved around keeping him happy and keeping the peace.

                                                        Here’s something to think about

 

 

A good teacher told me, once you start taking pride in your house and yourself again, you know you are healing. Take time to mourn the loss of your marriage and partner, but don't get stuck there. The world is open to you and one day you might actually realise what a close call you had. Be thankful for the chance of finding real happiness, I know I am.

 

 

 

Relationship vs Religion

All my life I considered myself a Christian, so why is it that I only really started having a relationship with God in the last year. I grew up in a house where we use to go to church and Sunday school on a regular basis. So why is it that all these years I felt like I got nothing from my religion. I stopped reading my Bible, because I simply got nothing from it. It just did not make much sense to me. I stop going to church, because the praise and worship part felt more like a funeral and the message just did not catch my attention.

I got the answer, when I started going to a, if you like, more liberated church. I could say I was lucky, (church hopping isn’t always a good thing, albeit sometimes necessary) but then I don’t believe in luck anymore, but in divine intervention. I found out that I was practising a religion, instead of having a relationship with God. Practising a religion will kill your soul.

So how do I have a relationship with God?

1.      You have to get to know the Word of God. A good place to start is to find out about the foundations of the Bible. Christianity is under attack from other religions, in our school, our government, ectr. If you want to build a solid relationship with God, your foundations must be right. We have to know what the Word of God is all about and we have to know who the enemy is. Finding out about the foundations of the Bible will help you understand the Bible better. Proverbs and the Books of Matthew – John is a good place to start reading the Bible.

2.      You also have to make the choice to give your life to God. If you except Jesus as your personal Saviour and belief that He died and was resurrected, you will inherit God’s Kingdom.

3.      You have to repent/ confess all your sins and ask for forgiveness. The Bible says” the truth will set you free”. It’s no use trying to hide what can’t be hidden from God. Once you have confessed, you have to make a 180 degrees U-turn. Walk away from your sins! Trust me satan does not like losing you and he will do everything in his power to get you back. Expect some rough times ahead.

4.      Then you have to get baptised, the sooner the better. Getting baptised is a public acknowledgement of your acceptance of God as your personal Saviour. A former Satanist whose job it was to win children for satan, once said that they just could not get to the children that were baptised. It gives you more protection from the fiery arrows of darkness.

5.      You have to start reading and obeying the Word of God. You have to acknowledge God as the ONLY King in your life. Reading the Bible will discipline and teach you in situations, where you are not living according to the Word of God. No person can become a mature Christian without having some work done to them by God. It is not always easy and sometimes it is downright miserable, but therein lays the test. If you can persevere when things are downright miserable, learning to put your faith in God despite the reality of the moment, you will be victorious in the end. At the end of the day you want to become a better person, with better and stronger values and that is what trials do for you. It changes you and makes you a more mature Christian.  

6.      Getting to know the Bible teaches you about God, who and what He is. It teaches you about Jesus and His relationship to God. I know, we all know He is the Son of God, but that is not all His is. What about the Holy Spirit? I use to think The Holy Spirit was just there to make up the 3 in 1 personalities of God. Boy was I wrong. Without the Holy Spirit we cannot have a relationship with God. The Holy Spirit is our Communicator with God, our Conscience, our Helper, and our Teacher.

7.      You have to belong to a church family/cell group. The church should become your  family. Family members protect and help each other and that is what your church family do for. Satan will try and isolate you, because then you become vulnerable. There is safety in numbers and when you are a young Christian you need as many older Christians around you as you can get. Remember there is a spiritual war going on and whether you are aware of it or not, you are smack bang in the middle of it. You better decide on which side you want to be.

In short you have to start with the basics. The Bible talks about building your house on sand or on rock. Reading the Bible teaches you what exactly that Rock is. Also knowing the Bible keeps you on the right track, you can only have a meaningful relationship with God if you obey Him. Remember sin will widen the gap between you and God and even if you are saved, it will make it difficult to hear God. If you don’t hear God, you cannot let Him guide you and it is then that you start taking matters into your own hands and run the risk of derailing yourself. Once you allow God to have the final say in your life, it becomes very easy to stay on the right track. It’s like having a relationship with your best friend. It’s FUN and EXCITING, except that God gives so much more.

It’s all about trust, but in God’s case you never get disappointed. Obviously if you act like a spoiled brat and want something that’s not in line with God’s Word, you will be disappointed. Your relationship with God becomes better the more you learn to give over to God and trust that He knows best. Sometimes it can look like He doesn’t care about where you are in your life, but God doesn’t allow anyone to push Him. His time is always the best time. A friend said that God is a gentleman, He never forces you to do anything. For me it was difficult in the beginning to trust and completely let go, but the more I did, the more I realised that I am safe in God’s Hands and that He will always let things work out for the best.

Just like you need to spend time with your best friend, being friends with God also require time, time to talk to Him, to get to know Him and most important to listen to Him. I’m still learning to be quiet and listen, but the more quiet time I spend with God, the better I can hear him and that to me is one of the best things about having a relationship with God, because in hearing Him, God had become a reality to me. I have no doubt anymore that I believe in a God that is alive and that wants to communicate with me and actually does communicate with me.

For those of you who had been kicked in the stomach by life, who have lost your faith in people and life in general, who have no hope left in you, do yourself the favour and just once do something really life changing for yourself. One more time take the risk and put your trust in God. Go speak to someone that really have a relationship with God and trust me you will know when someone has a true relationship with God, because these people are different. They shine! Open the door to your heart when God comes knocking and you will never in your life be without hope again. Only when you get to know the Living God will your life become truly worth living. After all you were made for God by God. Only when you fulfil God’s purpose for you in life, will you experience true peace and joy.

Just to clarify matters, when you practise a religion, you base salvation on deeds and obeying the Law of Moses. It is impossible for us to be saved by doing good deeds and obeying the Ten Commandments. That is why God gave us the Law of Christ. Only through Christ can we have eternal life and enter the gates of Heaven.

                                             

How Great is My God.

This blog is dedicated to God. I lift my hands in praise of God’s Holiness.

A year ago someone told me the story of the Gospel. Up until then I was a lost soul. God was dead to me. Nothing I did in my pathetic little life could get me in right standing with God. I was blinded. I never even realised just how lost I was. Here’s the amazing part, even though God was dead to me I wasn’t dead to God. He didn’t see me as pathetic. He WANTED to give me life again. I watch this DVD of Louie Giglio and he used Carl Lewis, one of only 2 people, that ever jumped more than 8.8m, to illustrate how impossible it is for us to get back to God. Do you have any idea how far 8.8m is to jump. Only two people could ever jump that far in the history of this earth, how on earth does anybody think they can ever bridge the gap sin caused between us and God, if you can’t even manage to clear 8.8m. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE FOR US AS HUMAN BEINGS TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH GOD!!! Our sins separated us so far from God, that even if we tried every single second for the rest of our life’s we could never get back to God ever again. We are all doomed to die. No plan we have can ever fix that, but God wanted to fix our relationship with Him. So He gave us Grace in the form of Jesus Christ His Son.

What is Grace? Grace is God, CHOOSING to send His Son Jesus Christ to die for us, so that we can be reconciled with Him again. Think about it, there are people on this earth that never want to be reconciled with you ever again and yet God wants to reconcile with you. He chose to send His Son to this little spec of dust called earth, to walk among us and in the end to die a horrible death for people that didn’t care, so that if even just one person could be saved because of what Jesus did, it would have been worth it for God. I am still struggling to get my mind around that kind of love, let alone understand it. Not only did Jesus die for us, but he became sin for us. He took all the misery and darkness of this world and became sin, he went to hell for us. For 3 days Jesus took on Himself, what was actually supposed to be our destiny.  Have you ever sat down and thought about what it must have been for a Man of flesh and blood to go through what Jesus did, not only the physical pain, but the death of His soul. Anyone that has ever been in the depths  of a depression will know what it can do to your soul, imagine taking just all the depression in this world on yourself, we haven’t even started to pile on all the quilt, lies, sins, ectr.  Jesus was innocent and Holy, but He came to us and became sin for us. Being Holy made it even worse in my opinion, because His soul has never been blackened by sin. God’s grace made it possible to be reconciled, through Jesus, with Him again. Through His grace he cleaned the slate, never to be held against us again. (2 Corinthians 5, Eph 1-3)

My chains are gone   

I’ve been set free       

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains      

Unending love, Amazing Grace

But He did more. Not only did He forgive our sins, He also gave us the righteousness of God. Through Jesus we received The Spirit of God. Is that not amazing. God WANTS to come live in us, He wants to make our hearts His home here on earth.  The minute I received the Holy Spirit my whole life changed. I did not believe in people receiving the Holy Spirit and falling over.  To me it was just religious mass hysteria. It happened to me on a Saterday afternoon after we had a two day course, with absolutely no hysteria involved. To be honest I was so knew to everything, that when they asked who wants to receive the Holy Spirit, I thought they meant who wants to accept Jesus as their Savior. I had no idea what was to follow. All I know is that when I received the Holy Spirit I lost control of my body and started to fall backwards. I also experienced this incredibly warm feeling going through my body. That day was the first time I physically experienced the Presence of God. (I experienced it 3 more times during a session with one of the leaders at our church. Once again no hysteria, just a very spiritual woman asking God 3 times in a row to show Himself to me. That day I longed to have the kind of relationship with God where I can communicate like that with Him. That day God made it possible for me to start the last leg of my journey to emotional healing.) For a sceptic like me, I had no other choice but to believe what I felt and that is partly the reason why I absolutely believe in the spiritual realm. Why I believe in the absolute power of God and why I know that through Jesus in me, I as a human being can use that power for the Glory of God. Do you have any idea just exactly what that means? It means that through Jesus in me, I have the same power that resurrected Jesus. The same power that brought Jesus back to life. We don’t live in that power because our minds keep on telling us that it is just not possible.

Louie Giglio also spoke about praising God. Ps 148 speak about everybody and everything in heaven and on earth praising God, even the moon, sun and stars and the giants of the sea. Did you know that stars make a sound and that people have actually managed to record those sounds.  The sounds come from magnetic fields that get generated because the stars spin around their own axis. He took the sounds of 3 stars, the sounds whales make while playing and the voice of one man, mashed it together and made the most beautiful song. For those of you who know the music of Chris Tomlinson, he played the song How Great is My God with the sounds the 3 stars and whales made. I have heard this song so many times, but never like that. I sat and listen to that song and the tears were running, because once again God’s Word was confirmed by nature.   

How great is my God     

Sing with me

How great is my God

All will see              

How great, how great

Is my God

Why we did not make it.

I thought about that question so often in the beginning and had no answers. Walking the path with God started giving me the answers. I could do what my ex did and climb into his character and write down inflated, untrue and over exaggerated statements about him. Maybe a year ago I would have, but that's no longer me. The anger, resentment and bitterness that's still a part of his life, I gave to God. This is however my reasons for the breakdown of our marriage and he probably will feel completely different about it. That is however his right.

1. We started wrong. We moved in with each other and that is wrong in God's eyes. I don't care what the world's views are, it's wrong period. As children we were taught it's wrong and I ignored the teachings of my parents and I paid the price.

2. We both came into the relationship with unresolved issues re previous relationships. We both had partners that cheated on us and we had not dealt with the pain and feelings of rejection that we were left with. We looked to each other for happiness, when in ourselves we weren't happy. I have learnt the hard way that no other person can make you happy, only God can do that for you.

3. My ex had unresolved issues re his past. He grew up in a very unstable house hold. His parents were in a sense never there for him and that left him a very insecure person, from there the masks he always wore and is still wearing. It drove me crazy seeing one person in private and a completely different one in public, but I learnt to live with it. He also had trust issue even though he desperately tried to hide it. He never completely opened up to me and that in turn gave me trust issues with him. That together with the fact that he thrived on the attention of woman, made me feel very insecure. He never made an effort to understand that and accused me of being jealous on several occasions. So much so that I eventually went for counselling. I know now that in a godly marriage your partner should never make you feel less than absolutely special.

4. I had these pre-conceived ideas of the roles men and women should play in a marriage. The man is primarily the breadwinner and the wife the mother and homemaker. I know in today's life that's not always possible . Reversal of the roles sometimes is a necessity, but then it must be a reversal and not a situation were one partner ends up having to do everything. I'm sorry to say but in our case that is exactly what happened. My ex had 7 jobs in the first 10 years of our marriage. Keeping a job just wasn't a priority to him, so I ended up becoming the main breadwinner. On top of that I was left to do the homemaking part as well. Managing our finance came to me as well, because he had no interest in it, except when he accused me of mismanaging our finances. There were never enough and he wanted me to make sure we had money for fun, while I felt we needed to pay our debts. We started making debt, which we couldn't pay back and that resulted in us having a lot of fights over money. I know now that debt makes you a slave and should be avoided at all cost.

5. I have a strong personality and because my ex didn't claim the headship of our house hold I eventually did. I hated having to fulfil that role and it made his issues with insecurity worse. It made him feel less than a man. Eventually years later when he did want to claim that role, I was so use to doing things my way, that it was very difficult to give the power over to him. I also didn't trust him to stick with it, so I was always interfering with decisions he wanted to make. I wasn't in the mood to have to later clean up his mess.

6. He always had health problems which caused work problems and I was fed up with it. Most of his problems was simply because he just didn't look after himself. I felt like his mother instead of his wife. That is probably partly why he is involved with an older woman now. He needed someone to look after him and I wanted someone to look after me.

7. On top of everything, the house and children were mostly my responsibility. Having a job myself, that became quite a challenge. My resentment grew with every week that passed. I just never had anytime for myself and when he started accusing me of neglecting our sex life, it made me furious. I was so busy running around looking after the children and making his life comfortable, that I was simply to tired to think about sex at night. Talking to him about helping in the evenings fell on deaf ears, so things just got worse. It felt at times like there were a huge cliff between us and that reaching him was impossible.

God created marriage and therefore He should know what will work and what won't. In a godly marriage the man is the head of the family and he should claim that position. His family's spiritual, financial, emotional and physical well being is his responsibility. Making decisions re these issues is his responsibility. The wife is his helper and should subject herself to him. Now today a lot of woman would say, no way. I am my own boss, I work just as hard and rightly so. The Bible also says that the husband should love his wife as he loves himself. In my opinion the problem comes in when the husband doesn't claim his position as head of the family. That together with his love for his wife, has to generate respect for him from his wife. If she respects him, she will value his opinions and decision. She will feel safe in the knowledge that she can trust him to do what is good for the family. In my situation my ex did not claim his position as head of our family and by the time he did it was too late. He didn't take responsibility for our family's well being and in turn I didn't respect him and I didn't trust him to do what was best for our family. You see why love alone in the end just isn't enough to keep two people together. Being the strong headed person I was, I took over. Maybe if I did give him a chance things would have worked out, but most probably judging from experience my family would have still been looking for me under the pile of crap he left as his legacy.

I want to get married again, but this time I will wait for God. This time I will make sure that first and foremost my new husband will be a man of God. I need to be able to speak to my husband about God. Second I will look for someone that knows his position in the house hold. I never ever want to be responsible for  the "well being" of my family again. Women were made to support and love their husbands and to mother their children.

Lastly I want to say something about soul ties. Soul ties are spiritual bonds that develop in the soul realm of two people who have a relationship involving a covenant. Covenants between two people are not just agreements, they always have spiritual implications. The marriage is a covenant and when two people in a marriage have sexual relationships they not only join their flesh, but also their souls. This is called godly soul ties. Gen 2:24

One example of an ungodly soul tie, is the sexual soul ties. When two people become sexually involved outside of marriage ie in pre- or extramarital affairs, a spiritual bondage, called a sexual soul tie is formed. This is why even though you have broken up physically, you sometimes still feel emotionally tied to a person. Soul ties can be bridges for the transference of both good and bad spirits. The Bible says sexual union makes two people one and according to covenant principles, that means what belongs to the one belongs to the other. What it means is when you have formed ungodly soul ties, you have opened yourself up to the transference of demons that have indwelt the soul of the other person you had sex with. It leaves a spiritual doorway open through which demons can move between two people. If you now have another relationship with someone else, you open up the doorway to the soul of the third person and so it goes on. Basically it means that if you do not break these ungodly soul ties, when you do get married, it is not just you that climb into bed with your wife/husband, but all the other partners you formed soul ties with, as well as all the demon spirits attach to them.

Some people may think this is bull. I myself was sceptical at first, but after what I experienced I will never ever have an ungodly sexual relationship again and if the men in my life don't like it, that is just too bad. Only after my godly, as well as my ungodly soul ties with my ex were broken, could I free myself emotionally from him. For someone recovering from a divorce, being able to free yourself emotionally from your ex partner is the greatest thing that can happen to you. Then you really can start to heal and move on with your life.