Every time
my ex and I are having one of our battles, I see the affect it has on my
children. My daughter suddenly don’t want to let go when I drop her off at
school, crying. Do you know what that does to a mother’s heart? Do you know
what it does to a mother driving home crying because you can’t fix your
daughter’s hurt? Do you know how
desperate it makes me feel that my son is lying to us because he is too scared
to tell us the truth? Too scared to tell us how he really feels, because then
we might not love him anymore. Too see the conflict he experienced because he
is in the middle of his parents mud-slinging.
Parents that hate each other and blame each other for the choices they
made. Parents who’s angry with each other because their lives are in shambles
and whose fault is that? Is it the children’s fault, your ex- partner? No it is
your own fault!! You made the choices in your life, no one else.
Why is it
that a child has to suffer because we as adults can’t accept responsibility for
the things we do? Who’s to blame when you badmouthed your ex, who’s to blame
when you and your ex can’t control yourself in front of the children, screaming
and shouting horrible things to each other? My God this is two people that made
those children making
love to each
other, two people that stood looking at that new born baby in absolute wonder,
two people that watch that first little unstable step he /she took, two people
who couldn’t wait for that first little word. We were given this responsibility
by God and what did we do? Not only did we allow our marriage to fall apart
ripping our children’s lives apart, no we didn’t stop there. We had to take it
a little further and destroy the other person with our hate and bitterness over something that
was our own fault from the start and as an added bonus we will “sommer” take
our children down with us. If I can’t have him/her, then you won’t either. Do we really deserve to have children then?
It is the
same as killing that child. Killing the spirit of that child, destroying
him/her emotionally and all because two supposedly adult people cannot sort
there shit out. Two adult people that carry so much hate and bitterness with
them, that they cannot for the sake of their children sit down and come to an
agreement. When will we wake up? When it is too late, when the damage
has been done, when we have lost the love and respect of our children? We are fighting for our children’s love, when we already have
it. Isn’t it ironic that in the end we will lose their love, fighting for it.
Lose their love, because they cannot love someone they cannot respect.
Well I have
decided to stop fighting for their love. I was made to be their mother, just like you my ex were made to be their father, to love
them, to teach them and that is what I will do from now on. I will not let my
feelings towards my ex drive my children away from me anymore. I will not allow
myself to be pulled into hateful arguments anymore. Someone said to me the
other day, that if you don’t reply/react to something, there is nothing to
react to. That will be my motto from now on. My feelings will be that of
someone who lost her husband to death. He is no longer there and she will
remember the good memories they made together. She will be sad and she will miss him, but she
will not be angry with him anymore. I will see it for what it is two people that love each other but have been so hurt by each other that the only way they know how to deal with it, is to continue hurting each other. I will not look at what his doing anymore, but at how Satan is using him to derail me. That is what it comes down to. A spiritual battle between Satan and me. This morning a very good friend send me these Bible verses reminding me of my identity in Christ.
Ephesians 1:3, 17-23 “Who has
blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realm”, “By having the
eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the
hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in
the saints.”
Ephesians 3:18-20 “Now to Him Who,
by the power that is at work within us, is able to do superabundantly, far over
above all that we ask or think.”
For a while
I forgot who I am in Christ. I became the lost sinner without hope again. I
took my children’s confusion and their reaction to it personally, forgetting
that they don’t even understand what it means to take something personally. I
was reminded today that I can do anything through Christ in me.
In one of my
previous blog's I spoke about the Father of lies. Satan used my fear of
losing my children and ran with it. He brought his friend the spirit of
aggression, which invited his friend the spirit of unforgiveness and they invited
the spirit of bitterness and rebellion and they stole my peace. Thank You J**
for reminding me of my identity in Christ and how easy it is to get rid of
these unwelcome visitors. I have my peace back. To my ex, if you read this:
- I will not fight with you or allow myself to be pulled into a fight by you anymore
- I will not allow anything you say to badmouthing me to our children, to affect my relationship with my children any more
- I will not say or do anything re you to our children that will make them lose their respect for me any more
- I will be the best mother I can be to them, supporting, protecting, teaching and loving them with my whole being.
- I will grow up, accept my part in this fiasco, lift my head up and walk towards the future with the sure knowledge that I will not be doing it alone.
- With God’s help this fiasco will be fixed and we will have a new family, because that is what my children deserve.
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